HEY STEVOE: Why is Charles Barkley such a jerk? I just watched a sports highlight of him yelling at some fans and then giving them a middle-finger salute. It's good to know that the NBA is now "fan friendly." What do I tell my kids when they see one of their sports heroes flipping someone the bird? By the way, where did the middle-finger salute ever come from?

-- Jason R.

A: First of all, Sir Charles Barkley has historically had difficulty fitting his size-14 shoes in his size-13 mouth. Barkley is a great player who sometimes gets lost within the cartoon caricature that has taken over his body. Barkley's mouth is like gunpowder. By itself, it's in a relatively benign state. Add an arena full of fans and a few television cameras, and PRESTO: instant explosives.

I had some trouble putting my finger on the finger issue. So I turned to my colleague, Prof. Pumpkin Head, for some research assistance. (Disclosure: Prof. Pumpkin Head is available to help anyone in the areas of research, boat ballast or crash-dummy testing. All it takes is three dozen doughnuts, with a gallon of chocolate syrup as a chaser, and he'll do anything short of sharing his cruller with Linda Tripp.) Anyway, here is his report, and a widely accepted explanation for the middle-finger salute, although not the only one:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow, and therefore the English would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon was made of the native English yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew."

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!" Over the years, some "folk etymologies" have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to say, the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

Regardless of its origin, the "finger" gesture is similar to "Pumpkin" in that it is rude, crude and unacceptable for public display. I'll mention your letter to Barkley the next time I see him. I only hope that he doesn't toss me through a window.

HEY STEVOE: I was greatly disappointed in this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. My disappointment stems from the fact that my wife threw out the magazine before I got home. I keep trying to explain to her the relevance between swimsuits and sports. Can you help?

-- Carl C.

A: This issue (literally and figuratively) has been causing intense debate between the genders for a period of time that can be measured by the growth-rings around Strom Thurmond's waist.

Grab a copy of "The American Heritage Dictionary" and show your wife the definition of "sport": "An active pastime or diversion." Then turn to page 69 of the swimsuit issue showing Miss Heidi Klum standing on the soft sand of Necker Island wearing nothing more than a warm smile and a tablespoon of what appears to be slightly chilled paint.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then that photo and most of the others in the swimsuit issue scream "active," "pastime" and "diversion." Blame the dictionary.

STEVOE'S EXTRA POINT: Feb. 17 was the one-year anniversary of the United States' winning the gold medal in the first women's hockey competition in Olympic history. The U.S. defeated Canada in the final, 3-1, in Nagano. The women who competed in this curious event deserve all of our admiration and respect for their dedication and sacrifice.

On the other hand, the knucklehead who thought up this sorry excuse for an Olympic event deserves a nonstop whipping from Nagano to Nebraska. Surely, having women's hockey in the Olympics should have been a warning sign that Olympic "payola" was more out of control than Ken Starr on crack. How else to explain adding a sport to the Olympics that is played by a total of 18 Americans, 13 Canadians and a bus full of toothless women from Russia?

Stephen M. Woods is a sports agent and an adjunct professor of sport administration at University of South Carolina and Clark Atlanta University. His column, "Hey Stevoe," is distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service.

Pub Date: 03/07/99