To: Ravens owner
From: Kevin Cowherd, for
Baltimore football fans Re: New stadium name
As you can imagine, all of us here in Baltimore are extremely proud to hear that our new football stadium now will be known as PSINet@www.aol.com Stadium.
Oops, my mistake, Art. It's actually just PSINet Stadium, isn't it? Well, that's certainly catchy, all right.
Rolls right off the tongue, at least if your tongue is used to seven-syllable names with tricky spelling and weird capitalization.
Seriously, Art, I think we all got a little misty-eyed when we heard the stadium would be named after a Northern Virginia-based Internet service provider.
On crisp Sunday afternoons in the fall, watching two teams banging helmets and flinging footballs all over an acre of God's green earth, don't everyone's thoughts just naturally revert to global high-tech firms?
Sure, they do.
So the name PSINet Stadium is a natural.
It's hip, it's trendy, it's New Millennium all the way!
(Memorial Stadium -- geez, what were those people thinking, Art? Look, you can honor your war dead any time. But how often do you get the chance to pay homage to an Internet giant? And make a few million bucks a year off the naming rights, too?)
Anyway, PSINet Stadium it is, Art, and all of us here in Baltimore are pleased as punch.
Years from now, we'll probably all be sitting around with our children and grandchildren, having conversations that go like this:
"Remember all the good times we had at that one stadium? With the purple seats? And the $5 beers?"
"PSINet Stadium, Dad?"
"That's it, Son. Good ol' PS ... um, what was the name again?"
"PSINet Stadium, Dad."
"Right. How could anyone forget?"
The fact is, Art, some of us are so taken with the name PSINet Stadium that we're hoping you'll take the next logical step.
That's right: Change the team name.
Oh, Ravens is fine, I guess. But for the proper mixture of menace and resolve that all good football nicknames have, how can you beat -- ta-daa! -- the Fighting PSINetters!
Sound too radical, Art? Too out there?
OK, do this: Close your eyes for a moment.
Now imagine your team is host to a big, nationally televised game. Imagine the opening scene, a shot from the Fuji blimp hovering high over the sparkling Inner Harbor as an announcer's voice intones: "You're looking live at PSINet Stadium, where the Baltimore Fighting PSINetters are set to take on the Pittsburgh Steelers in a key divisional battle pitting the Fighting PSINetters' vaunted air attack against the Steelers ferocious 4-3 defense!"
Whooo, baby! Gets the blood going, doesn't it, Art?
Me, I get goose bumps just typing those words!
If I'm a fan and I listen to an intro like that, I just want to ... well, I want to call up a Web page or something.
Honestly, Art, I'm so gung-ho about calling the team the Fighting PSINetters that I even took the liberty of penning a team cheer.
It goes something like this:
Gimme a P, gimme an S, gimme a ...
Aw, forget the stupid letters!
We'll crush you anyway.
You could save a bundle on cheerleaders, too, Art. All you need leading a cheer like that is some computer geek in a white smock and dorky eyeglasses waving his skinny arms on the sidelines.
Think of a nerdy Wild Bill Hagy, only without the Budweisers sloshing around in his gut.
This could be big, Art.
Just give it some thought, is all we're asking.
Sincerely, Kevin Cowherd
Pub Date: 1/26/99