SOME killjoys in my church (and perhaps in yours) are pushing a calendar for Christmastide called "A Simpler Season." Its purpose, according to the accompanying blurb, is "to equip people of faith to challenge consumerism, live justly and celebrate responsibly."
Odd, though, that they should call it a "simpler" season. Only a person of manic energy, fanatic diligence and refined subtlety could stay on top of this schedule.
Someone, say, like me.
Let's see. Starting from Dec. 1 we are enjoined to wear some item of "Third World clothing or jewelry at least once a week."
I wonder if the calendar-makers thought this through. For most Americans of whatever ethnicity, displaying Third World clothing jewelry will require shopping and acquisition, thereby practicing consumerism, enriching capitalist vultures and perverting the very idea of a simpler season.
But, luckily, not for my family.
I have a batik shirt that I bought for $5 on vacation in Indonesia. My wife has an African necklace she bought for $5 while on vacation in Kenya. So we can righteously proclaim our solidarity with the Third World and our superiority to hedonistic materialism. . . . Or are we just rich tourists exploiting low-paid foreign workers? I need a ruling quick because it's already the second week -- time to wear the things again, if they are permitted.
Oh, well. On to the next injunctions.
"Dec. 4. Decoration: A 'No Santas' sign (Santa's face in a red circle with a diagonal line through it).
"Dec. 10. Wear 'Christmas' clothing -- bulb earrings, sweaters, ties, socks, etc., with symbols such as trees, bells, sleighs, etc. -- no more than once a week during December before Christmas.
"Dec. 11. Keep children to their regular schedule. . . . No additional late bedtimes, for example.
"Dec. 12. Don't play Christmas music all the time. It can stress children.
"Dec. 15. Sign a petition to ban jet skis.
"Dec. 16. Pollination depends on bees. Frogs and toads control mosquitoes and other insects. The bee, frog and toad populations in North America are shrinking due to use of pesticides and toxins.
"Dec. 17. We CAN do something about water pollution. Stop using toxins on lawns. Never pour oil or antifreeze into a sewer.
"Dec. 22. Protest advertising in public restrooms. This modern graffiti is as offensive as traditional restroom scrawl.
"Dec. 23. Beware of radio talk-show hosts -- entertainers posing as social commentators -- who inflame prejudice with misinformation and slander.
Dec. 30. Avoid RVs or SUVs. . . . Most get dismal gas mileage and are quite dangerous."
No objections here
And so on. Fine ideas, all. After all, who -- other than a jet-ski tycoon . . . or a dealer in RVs or SUVs . . . or someone who likes to pour oil and pesticides into sewers and stamp on frogs and toads . . . or a grammarian who knows that "graffiti" is plural -- other than such tiresome reprobates, who could possibly object to such a calendar?
How strange, though, in this Yuletide season, is the calendar-makers' disparagement of giving: "Jan. 2. Charity is cheap. . . . It has the frightening capacity to dull our senses to God's call for justice."
Peace-and-justice people are not like the rest of us. Not for them, a season to be jolly. Not for them, a child's delight in getting to stay up late, just this once, because it's Christmastime. Not for them, the frightening platitude that it is better to give than to receive. Peace and justice are grim ideals that will never be attained by merely behaving peaceably and acting justly. There must be Theory and Practice. There must be scolding.
How very American.
Puritan crackdown
When the Plymouth colony was barely a year old, some new arrivals approached Gov. William Bradford and asked to be excused from work on "the day called Christmas day." The Puritans, you will recall, disapproved of Christmas. The frivolity distracted people from concentrating on their spiritual improvement. But Bradford, a reasonable man, considering that the petitioners were newcomers, agreed to "spare them till they were better informed."
When he saw them celebrating outdoors, however -- "at play, openly" -- he confiscated their playthings and shooed them indoors.
For the next 200 years, Christmas was hardly observed in New England. In 1659, the Massachusetts Bay General Court declared celebration of Christmas to be a crime. For the most part, people accepted the ban. Diaries and journals from the times commonly marked Dec. 25 as an ordinary day that might bring weather or illness or family news, but no mention of Christmas.
Of course, there were always some depraved sinners for whom Christmas was an excuse for drunkenness and carousal. It was largely to reclaim the holiday from strolling wassailers that Christmas was domesticated about 150 years ago into a family occasion with tree, cards, stockings and a visit from St. Nicholas.
Now the folks who look after the spiritual improvement of the rest of us want to take us back to Puritan times.
Bless them, they mean well. But I'm not signing any anti-jet-ski petitions till after the New Year. Peace and justice have waited all these centuries. They can wait three more weeks.
* Hal Piper is a Sun editor.
Pub Date: 12/08/98