Most of us love the holidays. We just hate the stress attached to them. Wouldn't it be nice if this year we could entertain our family and friends and keep our spirits bright while doing it?

When we asked one expert for her advice on how to reduce the stress of holiday entertaining, she said, "Don't give a party." That seemed a little extreme, so we canvassed caterers, psychologists, chefs, magazine editors, authors, neighbors and friends for their tips on de-stressing holiday feasts and parties -- ranging from Thanksgiving through Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa to New Year's Eve. We even threw in a few ideas of our own.

So here, without further ado, are 100 ways to make your event easier, to eliminate some of the hassles associated with holiday party giving and, yes, to have a more joyful time doing it.

1. Create a game plan. Write it on a calendar instead of in a list so you'll have specific dates to get things accomplished.

2. Keep it simple.

3. Michelle Passoff, author of "Lighten Up! Free Yourself From Clutter"(HarperPerennial, 1998), suggests cleaning your kitchen cabinets of excess canned goods and donating them to a local food drive. This will not only foster the spirit of giving to others, it will give you more space for holiday meal preparation.

4. Start early. Buy and begin writing invitations well in advance of sending them. (Send invitations four to six weeks before the party. People's holiday schedules fill up quickly.)

5. Ask for RSVPs rather than Regrets Only. That way you'll know for sure who is and isn't coming and who simply forgot to respond.

6. Set realistic expectations, says Boston psychiatrist Susan Phillips. Tell yourself that you don't have to live up to the "storybook perfect" definition of what holiday meals should be and what your house should look like.

7. Worst Advice of the Season: To give two parties on consecutive nights with the same menu, same decorations and different guests. It's efficient, and it cuts down on preparation time; but if you find entertaining stressful, you probably won't feel like having to do it all over again the next day.

8. Accept the fact that something always goes wrong. Be prepared to roll with the punches.

9. Decide on a party budget and stick to it.

10. Make a complete food shopping list a couple of weeks before the event.

11. Elaine St. James, author of "Simplify Your Christmas" (Andrews McMeel, 1998), uses the "halving" rule for less stress. Halve the number of parties you would normally give this time of year, and halve the number of guests you would normally invite.

12. While it's nice to think that holidays will bring feuding friends and family members together, you'll be less stressed if you invite them to different events.

13. Browse culinary catalogs for good menu ideas. You can order cooked turkeys, hams, cheese wheels and other goodies that can be no-sweat centerpieces for your party. - Michelle Passoff

14. Fat-free guru and cookbook author Jyl Steinback suggests shopping on Monday for Thanksgiving dinner. Or shop before 7 a.m. or after 10 p.m. to avoid crowds.

15. Candles throughout the house add a warm glow. With the lights turned down, your guests won't notice shabby furniture or a little dust.

16. Ask for help - such as setting the table or cleaning up - from family and friends. It sounds obvious, but we forget to do it.

17. Check your menu against your oven space and number of burners in advance, says Zanne Stewart, executive food editor of Gourmet magazine. If you have one oven and three dishes that cook at three different temperatures, you'll need to adjust your menu.

18. Drink water to deal with holiday stress headaches, suggests lifestyle coach and author Cheryl Townsley. Her formula: half your body weight in ounces per day.

19. The freezer is your friend. You can make breads, cookie dough or cake layers several weeks in advance and freeze them.

20. Don't stuff paper and clothes clutter in a bag or box and jam it into a closet before guests arrive. Set aside enough time so that tossing, filing and hanging are part of the preparation for and joy of entertaining. - Michelle Passoff

21. Chop onions and other vegetables you use a lot, and freeze.

22. Use oven-to-table cookware for main courses and side dishes you plan to freeze. Reheat them in the microwave.

23. Take advantage of good-quality convenience foods such as flavored pastas, rice mixes, frozen puff pastry, phyllo and artisan breads, says Barbara Fairchild, executive editor of Bon Appetit magazine.

24. Do not deep clean before a party. If you must clean at all, do it a week before and limit yourself to picking up the day of the party.

25. Lifestyle coach Cheryl Townsley lowers holiday stress by making objects do double duty. For instance, prettily wrapped holiday gifts can also be your party decorations on side tables and mantelpieces.

26. Surprises aren't good at holiday feasts; they make people cranky. You can add to the traditional dishes, but don't substitute without getting your family's OK.

27. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable.

28. Abigail Kirsch, author of "Invitation to Dinner" (Doubleday, 1998), creates edible decorations that are easy, inexpensive and work well for fall parties and Thanksgiving dinner. She arranges green and red grapes, nuts and lady apples with greens from her yard.

29. The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open in the event of a turkey crisis. Call 800-323-4848.

30. Make a list of all foods to be served, then list serving dishes and implements you'll need for each one. - Zanne Stewart, Gourmet

31. Get out little-used serving dishes a week, not an hour, before the party so you won't be hunting frantically for the soup tureen at the last minute. Polish silver and press linens a week in advance.

32. Use ornamental gourds, pine cones, lemons, pomegranates, evergreen boughs and holly for easy and natural-looking December decorating.

33. Linwood Dame, owner of Linwood's and Due, suggests buying stocks and reductions from a restaurant rather than making your own.

34. Supermarket salad bars have lots of cut vegetables, washed spinach and other ingredients that will cut down on preparation time.

35. Ask your butcher to remove the wishbone from the turkey, says Dana Cowin, editor-in-chief of Food & Wine magazine. That way you can carve straight across the breast.

36. The Epicurious Food Web site (http://food.epicurious.com) now has more than 8,000 recipes from Gourmet and Bon Appetit magazines. You can search by main ingredient, course, cuisine, preparation method, and season or occasion.

37. Don't forget that younger kids need to be entertained. Pick up videos or hire a teen-ager to play games with them.

38. Have a potluck Thanksgiving. You cook the turkey; assign all the other dishes to your guests.

39. If you don't have enough seating, ask guests on the invitations to BYOC (Bring Your Own Chairs), suggests Barbara Smith in "B. Smith's Entertaining and Cooking for Friends" (Artisan, 1995).

40. If you run out of room in your refrigerator to store prepared foods, says Larry Frank, vice president of the Classic Catering People, take wet paper towels, freeze them and lay them over such bulky things as fresh vegetables and fruit platters. They'll stay fresh and cold for several hours.

41. Don't invite boring guests.

42. Serve punch for a crowd, suggests wine and food expert Christine Deussen. It can be made ahead, and you don't have to prepare individual drinks for each guest.

43. Don't worry if you don't have a complete set of dishes for all your guests. Mixing and matching your table settings is very chic these days.

44. Cut the cocktail hour short. Half an hour or 45 minutes is long enough. The guest who drinks too much is stressful for everyone.

45. Put out an extra serving dish in case a guest brings a goody. - Zanne Stewart, Gourmet

46. Allow enough time for your frozen turkey to thaw completely in the refrigerator - two or three days in advance.

47. Nathalie Dupree, author of "Comfortable Entertaining" (Viking Penguin, 1998), buys turkey wings in the summer, makes stock and freezes it for Thanksgiving gravy. You don't have three months, but you do have three weeks to do the same.

48. Never admit something is wrong with a dish. Your guests probably haven't noticed; but even if they have, your distress will only make them more uncomfortable.

49. Limit your bar. Simplify by serving one alcoholic drink: sangria, margaritas, mimosas or martinis.

50. Set the dining room table the day before. Cover it with a sheet if you're worried about dust.

51. Here's a radical solution from cookbook author Jyl Steinback: Cook your turkey the day before serving. Remove drippings from the pan. Wrap tightly in foil and refrigerate. Slicing will be easier the next day. Pour chicken broth over turkey to moisten, cover with foil and heat in 300-degree oven until turkey is warm.

52. Go for the light-hearted, says James Campbell Quick, editor of the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology. Humor lightens the holiday stress load. Wear your silly Santa Claus hat to Christmas dinner.

L 53. Take a 15-minute nap before the party. - Cheryl Townsley

54. Invite one person who doesn't have anywhere else to go for the holidays. You'll feel good about it, and that will help lower your stress level.

55. Charles Levine, president of Charles Levine Caterers, suggests renting your dishes, your tableware and even your linens. You won't have to wash them afterward.

56.Plan to be ready at least half an hour before the party starts. Sit back and take several deep, calming breaths.

57. You'll always have quick appetizers on hand by stocking your pantry with two or three types of olives, as well as baby carrots and precut celery. Purchased salsa makes a quick no-fat dip. - Barbara Fairchild, Bon Appetit

58. Don't serve anything at a dinner party you haven't made before.

59. Speed up a buffet line by having two lines with identical dishes.

60. Have a carol-singing party instead of a sit down-dinner. You could serve store-bought eggnog, hot chocolate and a variety of good-quality bought cookies.

61. If you need the particulars on formal place settings or how to jump-start dinner conversation, get one of the many new entertaining guides out this year, such as the just-published "Emily Post's Entertaining" (HarperCollins, 1998).

62. Hire help. Worried about the expense? Consider how expensive entertaining is anyway, says New York psychologist Fran Luckom-Numberg. Why not spend on something that will benefit you?

63. Set out a large bowl of clementines with whatever else is offered for dessert. - Dana Cowin, Food & Wine

64. Plan meals that allow you to spend most of the cocktail hour with your guests. Take the words "last minute" out of your party vocabulary.

65. Limit the number of courses. No holiday meal has to have a first course or a separate salad course.

66. Have a gourmet potluck, and you contribute the bread and a fancy salad like this one:

mesclun greens

sliced ripe avocados

sliced Comice pears

high-quality bottled vinaigrette dressing

crumbled blue cheese

67. Don't forget to take the gizzards out of the turkey. - Charles Levine, president of Charles Levine Caterers

68. Keep salted nuts and sparkling wine on hand for unexpected guests.

69. For holiday meals, re-create at least some of the food your family remembers from growing up. - Dana Cowin, Food & Wine

70. Pick up some extra ice.

71. If you break the cork in the wine bottle, strain it through a coffee filter into a carafe.

72. If you want the effect of a fire without the hassle, arrange candles in the fireplace and light just before your guests arrive.

73. Sara Lee has a Holiday Pie Tips Hot Line at 800-323-7117. (And, no, the operators don't tell you to buy Sara Lee pies.)

74. Buy your holiday pies. At that point in the meal no one will notice.

75. Centerpieces should never exceed 12 inches in height. Sit down and test it. - Marian McEvoy, editor of Elle Decor

76. Practice a little aromatherapy: Boil cinnamon sticks or other spices on a back burner before your guests arrive.

77. For large parties, according to "Entertaining for Dummies" (IDG Books, 1997), the usual turnout is 80 percent. If you want 50 guests at your cocktail party, invite 60.

78. One-pot dishes such as boeuf bourguignonne, cassoulet, chili and paella are a godsend for harried hosts.

79. Don't take sides.

80. Open houses with self-serve food are a relaxing way to entertain during the holidays.

81. Use pretty paper plates instead of fine china to eliminate clean-up time, says Joyce Baker, trends and retail consultant for the Rouse Company.

82. Have a cookie swap instead of a formal dinner. Serve coffee.

83. Jamie Hopkins, manager of Recordmasters at the Rotunda, recommends three calming albums:

* "December," George Winston

* "Charlie Brown's Holiday Hits," Vince Guaraldi

* "Love Scenes," Diana Krall

84. Scented candles in the kitchen chase away cooking odors. - The National Candle Association

85. At her Kwanzaa parties, restaurateur and cookbook author Barbara Smith simplifies drink orders by having ginger beer from Jamaica for the teetotalers and Red Stripe beer and champagne punch for the rest.

86. Clean up as much as you can while the party is going on. (Or better yet, enlist your family to pitch in.)

87. Pick up some carving techniques and use sharp knives, suggest the experts at the Florida Culinary Institute, which catered House Speaker Newt Gingrich's daughter's wedding.

88. Don't serve red wine unless you're having a sit-down dinner. It's bound to end up on your carpet or upholstery. - Joyce Baker, the Rouse Company

89. Forget the figgy pudding and the family fruitcake. If you must bake something for dessert, chocolate brownies will take a tenth of the time and your guests will enjoy them more. Make them with real butter.

90. Leave more time for everything than you think you'll need. You'll need it.

91. Set the table with a centerpiece that will last the whole season.

92. Here's a relatively stress-free but elegant holiday dinner:

raw oysters on the half shell

rib roast

pan-roasted potatoes

fresh broccoli

little rolls from a bakery

assorted cookies and gourmet chocolates

champagne

93. Add flair to desserts by flavoring whipped cream with liqueurs or adding cinnamon, nutmeg, candied ginger or chopped toasted nuts. - Barbara Fairchild, Bon Appetit

94. If you're having a buffet, set up the bar and dessert table in other rooms.

95. For a simple New Year's Eve party, invite friends to watch the countdown to midnight on television. Serve champagne and a few easy snacks - assorted cheeses, smoked salmon, and sliced pumpernickel. - From "Simplify Entertaining" (Reader's Digest, 1998)

96. As it gets late, close down the bar and serve only nonalcoholic drinks and coffee.

97. Hire a neighborhood teen-ager to wash dishes.

98. Take a day for yourself before or after your party. Treat yourself to a facial, relax in front of the TV or read a good book. - Joyce Baker, the Rouse Company

99. Leave the potato chips in the bag so you don't have to wash a bowl. - A Sun editor

100. Remember the real reason you're doing the entertaining: community building, perhaps, or the celebration of deeply held values and beliefs. - Mind-body practitioner and author Dr. Emmett E. Miller.

Pub Date: 11/08/98