Worried about your spouse cheating? Now you can cover yourself - with an "insurance policy" to protect your dignity in case of unfaithfulness.

Florida-based "Infidelity Life" now offers coverage against "intentional, unintentional and/or passive infidelities." And the policy - just $2 - is good for the term of the marriage, no less.

What is passive infidelity, you ask? "Lusting in your heart and premeditated flirting," explains Bill Singletary, company president.

The coverage, of course, isn't an insurance policy in the strictest sense of the word. Infidelity Life is a subsidiary of TMR Multimedia, a novelty marketing company in Hallandale, Fla.

Upon submission of proof of a spouse's infidelity, Singletary says, the insured will receive the following:

A really nasty letter addressed to the cheating party, peppered throughout with lots of name-calling and righteous indignation.

A list of good divorce lawyers.

A fake but still inspirational "keep-your-chin-up" note from Hillary Clinton.

A scarlet letter "A" applique.

Bipartisan corroboration by 10 registered Democrats and Republicans.

Infidelity Life doesn't take sides, though. The cheater - whether merely accused or caught outright - receives a personalized press release containing 25 categorical denials of wrongdoing - including: "I was not unfaithful with that person!" - along with five hair-splitting definitions of the term "infidelity" and a "blanket apology and atonement proviso for any unintentional harm caused to family and/or friends."

But wait, there's more: For the cheating partner who tires of groveling and is ready to strike back, there's a list of your accuser's vices addressed to employer, clergyman, friends and mother.

Singletary says his inspiration was - surprise - the Clintons.

"This country is at a new low for perverseness," he said. "Turn on CNN, and you see infidelity. My God, it's coming out of the woodwork. ... Everybody seems to be sleeping with everyone else other than their spouse."

Distressing, perhaps, but certain to insure sales for Infidelity Life.

Pub date 10/18/98