Kenneth Starr published his celebrated phantasmagoric fable, "Report," too late for this year's Nobel Prize for Literature, alas.

The prize for economics goes to the House of Representatives, for making so much out of so little.

The chemistry award goes to Bill Clinton for the variety of reactions exposure to him brings out in others.

The physics prize to Betty Currie, for advances in making things disappear.

The Peace Prize can only go to Rep. Henry Hyde, for taking the nation's focus off war, famine, pestilence and depression.

Pub Date: 10/09/98