Marshella and Robert Merritt spend their evenings in quiet marital bliss, back-to-back at his-and-her desks in the living room, pointing, clicking and typing away at his-and-her computers.
It was just the kind of romance Marshella envisioned in June 1992, when she dialed into the computer bulletin board system operated by the the man she would marry.
"I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend and I thought about meeting people online," said Marshella, 29, who runs a day-care center in their Rosedale home. "I wanted to meet a system operator because he would seem like my type of person - a young male who was knowledgeable and interested in computers and who was a homebody."
After a bunch of busy signals elsewhere, she got an answer from "Moon Base Tycho," Robert's sci-fi- oriented bulletin board. They introduced themselves, met in person, chatted online night after night, got serious and tied the knot on June 27, 1993.
"If I had just met [Robert] out someplace, I probably wouldn't have been as interested in him," Marshella said. "The Internet and the online world are so cool because you get a feel for what people are like. You're not swayed by looks. In a long-term relationship, it's the personality and interests that keep you together."
Robert, 28, an engineering technician, put it this way: "We're made for each other."
It's a lot easier for singles to meet online today than it was when Marshella first dialed around. Internet matchmaking has become booming business that draws millions of customers. But for every happily-ever-after tale like the Merritts', there are stories of disappointment, disillusionment and even danger.
Many singles looking for relationships stop first at an online dating service such Match.com, which has attracted more than 750,000 romance seekers since it was established in 1995.
The San Francisco-based company, owned by giant Cendant Corp., boasts that its online matchups have resulted in more than 300 marriages, 15 babies and thousands of engagements, long-distance relationships and friendships.
After assuming a handle that maintains anonymity, new members fill out a questionnaire about themselves and what they look for in a partner - criteria such as age, height, location, drinking and smoking preferences and religion. They can then compose a profile describing in words who they are, and can attach a digital photograph. For about $10 a month, the company's computer delivers a list of compatible members, or users can browse the database before sending anonymous messages to prospective dates through Match.com's internal system.
Trish McDermott, the company's online dating authority, said 20,000 new members register weekly - mostly 25-to 49-year-old professionals who earn $50,000 or more annually. Match.com's clientele is about 45 percent female and 55 percent male, roughly the same as Web users as a whole. The Web site also offers interactive dating advice columns and off-line singles events.
"We knew we needed to build a site where women would feel comfortable and secure," McDermott said. "Then men would come. It's clean and well-lit wwith a strong community of singles."
The numbers are almost as large at oneandonly.com, a 2-year-old dating service that claims 510,000 registered users.
"The biggest appeal is the convenience factor," said spokeswoman Lisa Kohring. "People are not going to have to go out to a bar and get made up. They can sit down in front of the computer in their pajamas and correspond with someone."
That's what attracted Ryan McClain, 25, a network analyst from Colesville who graduated from the University of Maryland in 1997. "Honestly, I wouldn't want a girl I picked up at a bar," he said. "It's so much easier to meet someone in this atmosphere rather than at a bar or a meat market."
Now that he's no longer in a campus environment, McClain says, it's difficult to meet women. When his roommate and a co-worker found dates through Match.com, he decided to give it a try.
He responded to the ads of two women and has been exchanging e-mails with both. One has the same academic major as McClain and has read some of the same novels, so they've been comparing notes. They've yet to talk on the phone or meet in person.
McClain and his friends are part of the demographic bulge driving the online dating boom. A high divorce rate and longer life spans have created the largest population of single people in history, said Dana Peach, a former marriage and family therapist from Tacoma, Wash., who is affiliated with oneandonly.com. At the same time, the Internet has given them a new forum.
"It's a fabulous thing," Peach said. "More than half of the people online are single. People don't just encounter the people [they usually encounter] in their daily lives - they have access to expanded statistics."
In addition, the eclipse of old-fashioned communities and social institutions has driven singles to the Web, according to Jack Levin, professor of sociology and criminology at Boston's Northeastern University.
"There are simply far fewer places where single or divorced people can meet one another in a traditional way," he said.
Nancy Capulet, 42, author of "Putting Your Heart Online," said the online experience can be overwhelming for women, who may get more than 100 messages when they first post their profiles. That's because men typically take the initiative and send mail to multiple prospects.
Capulet, who found her fiance online, says men get disillusioned when they don't get responses, and suggests that women at least acknowledge any message from a man who might be a potential match.
Those familiar with the online dating scene say these exchanges gives many singles inflated expectations - and can result in dashed hopes.
"People assume far more than they should assume [online]," Peach said. "They think if someone flatters you and is interested, then they've got it. They're expecting things to go real fast, where it's just a beginning. It's not a magical thing - you have to work at it."
Levin sees a far darker side, calling the Internet "a pathological liar's paradise."
"Someone online can make false claims and in some cases can completely fool someone into believing a fabricated story," he said. "Online, anything is possible."
When people meet in person, he said, they evaluate each other through verbal and nonverbal clues such as gestures, clothing and facial expressions. On the Internet, the only impression is a written one.
"People are so much more likely to give you a favorable impression rather than a true one online," he said. "It's an extension of the personal ad problem, where people made themselves taller, slimmer, wealthier, not to mention more beautiful. It's much worse online."
Amy Wolfford, a 34-year-old single reporter in Columbus, Ga., learned this the hard way. When she first went online five years ago, she ran into what she described as "about the biggest liar I ever met" because he claimed to be exclusively dating multiple women at the same time.
At first she thought the man she met in an America Online chat room was "rather charming."
"He was the funniest person I met online," she said.
The two chatted for a year, exchanging e-mail and phone calls. They even met in person and shortly after, started dating.
Wolfford said she and four or five women in a chat room eventually discovered that the man was stringing all of them along. Wolfford confronted him and broke off the relationship. Since then, she has been more wary.
"Before I became wise to the ways of the world, I didn't realize when you're online, you can't look someone in the eye and see if they're telling the truth," she said. "Online has this great capability for people who can type, who are literate and who are funny. They're the most popular, so you kind of get drawn into someone's mind."
Those with experience agree that when meeting a new online friend or date, everyone needs to be careful.
"People need to employ a great deal of common sense when they meet someone online," said Daniel Janal, author of "Risky Business," a book that explores the dangers of the Internet. "You should never give out your home phone number or address. Use your business or a P.O. box."
He also suggested withholding one's last name from online friends and meeting them in public places, such as cafes and restaurants.
Ryan McClain said he understands the risks of online matchmaking but is willing to accept them.
"I can be sure there are people out there who do misuse [the Internet], but it's not a big deal," he said. "It's worth the chance to meet someone who is using it for the right purposes."
Looking for love?
Check out these online matchmaking sites:
www.match.com
One of the biggest and most comprehensive singles sites offers a weeklong free trial.
www.oneandonly.com
Browse and place an ad for free. Includes an ad workshop and an "agent of love" who will e-mail you with new ads that match your profile.
www.swoon.com
A swanky "dating, mating and relating" site from Conde Nast publishing, Swoon includes a gossip column, compatibility tests and links to magazines. The site is free.
www.christianstogether.com
"A thoughtful dating service for Christian singles," this commercial site includes browsing and e-mail capabilities.
www.singlejew.com
This commercial dating site for single Jewish people allows visitors to browse profiles and photos by area code.
www.womenbehindbars.com
For the truly adventurous, this commercial site posts pictures and profiles of women in prison. If you want their postal addresses, you pay. Release dates included.
Pub Date: 8/17/98