WASHINGTON -- Buried in government file cabinets and advocacy group document rooms are the stories of thousands of bad vacations.

Consider the pathos detailed in their complaints: The elderly woman who was denied a refund for a trip to Las Vegas even though her husband died as they were about to pack. The tourist who was so traumatized by her cruise ship roommate she slept on deck for a week. The bride who began her honeymoon by sitting in a befouled airplane seat.

With travel at record levels this summer, Washington is awash in protests from unhappy voyagers who don't know where else to turn.

"People generally don't write the federal government with complimentary letters," says Norman Strickman, an air-travel watchdog who heads the U.S. Department of Transportation's Aviation Consumer Protection Division. "We're on the front lines over here."

What can Washington do for these aggrieved citizens?

In serious cases, the federal government and national travel groups can crack down on travel scheme artists, bring erring companies to justice, damage travel agents' reputations by banning them from industry organizations, and informally mediate with travel companies to get customers apologies and refunds.

But not always. The man who wrote to the Department of Transportation because a flight attendant spilled orange juice on his lap did not get much revenge, nor did the woman who complained to the American Society of Travel Agents that she needed a refund because her stateroom was directly over the cruise ship's disco.

Writing Washington is not always about getting results: For some travelers, it's about winning an audience long after the rest of the world has stopped listening.

Robert Serr hoped someone, anyone, in a position of authority would hear him out. "I just thought people should know," said Serr, who believes his honeymoon was ruined by what he suspects were the remnants of a dirty diaper on his wife's airplane seat.

"Oh my God, I had the worst experience I ever had," said Serr, a 23-year-old computer technician who still feels outraged for his wife, Jenny, a waitress. "That's all we talked about for our entire holiday. We got into arguments because I wouldn't shut up about it."

After the incident -- which happened on a Northwest Airlines flight from Minneapolis to Florida -- Serr fired off an angry e-mail message to the Department of Transportation's Aviation Consumer Protection Division. The department reached federal public health authorities on Serr's behalf, urged Northwest to contact Serr and entered his complaint in a report on the airline's performance. Northwest gave Serr two free tickets for a future trip.

Such stories make a point: Having the time of your life can really make you miserable.

The Department of Transportation receives so many complaints it created a SWAT team to act on the most serious problem flights. The Federal Trade Commission created "Operation Trip-Up" to combat travel fraud. National associations, such as the American Society of Travel Agents and the National Consumers League, are inundated with bitter testimonials from outraged vacationers and collect records on the worst abusers.

Strickman, the Transportation Department official, compiles monthly performance reports on 10 major U.S. carriers. Even the nit-picky complaints get included, like the one from the Ohio woman who protested that when her airline put her in a hotel for a night, it gave her "male-oriented deodorant."

Another traveler reported that a nasty flight attendant made her cry after accusing her of taking "everything plus [her] underwear" in her carry-on luggage.

Travelers don't take these slights lightly: One Massachusetts woman was so outraged about a bad flight that she warned Strickman's team, "If I don't hear back from you I'll be calling the White House." A New Yorker whose husband died five days before their Vegas vacation wrote in a shaky hand that trying to get a refund for his plane tickets is "a nightmare" that will not end.

Travel industry booming

Despite the headaches, this is a blockbuster year for travel. Industry analysts estimate that 251 million people will vacation this summer, up from 244 million last year.

With more trips come more complaints. The Transportation Department's numbers are up in all categories: Flight delays, mishandled baggage, overbookings and consumer complaints. Calls and letters reached 7,665 last year, up from 5,985 five years ago. Of the major airlines, Northwest got the most complaints in June -- 112 people reported problems, the latest statistics show.

Private companies prefer to handle customer service gripes in-house. But Washington makes those complaints public and often leaves the industry red in the face. Northwest flew 4 million people in June, but only the unhappy ones stand out.

"In June, 112 people were so disappointed with our service they were moved to write the government about us," said Northwest spokesman Jon Austin. "That's disappointing."

Most reports of travel nightmares fall into familiar categories -- delayed flights and vacation rip-offs. But some vacation horror stories are considerably more absurd.

For those cases, there is Stan Bosco.

The head complaint wrangler at the American Society of Travel Agents in Washington, Bosco has personally reviewed most of the society's 5,000 complaint records on file -- about two years' worth. The society needs a warehouse to store the rest of the gripes.

"We've had people write to us saying, 'It rained every day of my vacation, I want my money back,' " said Bosco, who has worked at the society for 12 years. A more memorable call: "One lady went on a cruise and let them match her with a roommate. Her roommate had a habit of bringing a different gentleman into her room every night. So she slept on the deck."

In that case, Bosco wrote to the cruise line and said he got a portion of the customer's money back.

Mostly, Bosco mediates travel complaints informally and keeps records of the problems tourists have with the society's member agents. About five or six agents who consistently ignore pTC complaints are expelled from the group each year, he said.

With his gravelly voice and sympathetic ear, Bosco soothes travelers who have been hung up on elsewhere. Empathetic noises on his end of the line can go a long way.

Bosco tried to reason with a mother whose son was kicked off a flight from Florida after picking up an exotic snake there and taking it aboard his flight in a carry-on bag. (How did the flight crew know a snake was on board if the reptile was securely stowed, Bosco prodded the mother). And he offers advice on upsetting cruise issues. (The Coast Guard can do little about the Bee Gees screeching in the disco, after all).

When vacation bummers cross the line into fraud, Bosco calls in the big guns.

Combating schemes

The Federal Trade Commission, aided by Bosco and groups like the Washington-based National Consumers League, combat vacation schemes. A popular ruse: Marketers cheat customers by promising that they will become travel agents with a simple tutorial -- but the certificates prove bogus and participants do not get the discounts and freebies they were promised.

Hoaxes ranging from pyramid schemes to Internet fraud rank among the commission's top five complaints and have cost consumers more than $12 billion, the commission says. Law enforcement authorities, working with the commission in the "Operation Trip-Up" crackdown, made 36 stings against travel schemers since the campaign began last year.

"Most of the complaints we get about travel are not, 'We didn't like the view from the hotel.' It's more like, 'We paid $250 for what was supposed to be an all-expense paid trip and it turned out that it wasn't,' " said Allen Hile, a travel fraud expert at the commission.

As for tips on how to minimize vacation misery, travel industry experts recommend tourists take pictures and keep journals -- for legal purposes, not memories.

"You expect a nice tropical paradise and instead you get rats and mold," Bosco sighed. "Sometimes, it just happens that way."

Pub Date: 8/11/98