"As the early readings necessarily predate the European discovery of the Western hemisphere . . . please make it clear whether the temperatures recorded by the Aztecs, Incans, Australian aborigines . . . are in centigrade or Fahrenheit or whatever." -- mathematical statistician J. Gart, offering to confirm President Clinton's recent assertion that "the five warmest years recorded since the 1400s all occurred in the 1990s."

"It's so disgraceful that this no-good, treacherous, treasonous, fat, bald-headed lying weasel hasn't resigned." -- Don Imus, speaking about Peter Arnett, reporter of CNN's now-retracted story about U.S. military use of nerve gas.

Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more -- he just holds you up to the light." -- Red Buttons on the occasion of Milton Berle's recent 90th birthday party.

Pub Date: 7/21/98