Elaine Benes: Please come home


To: Warren Littlefield, president of NBC Entertainment

From: Arts & Society Staff

Re: "Elaine!" the series

Dear Mr. Littlefield:

A successor to "Seinfeld"? Let's face it, that David Spade show ** jTC doesn't cut it. Instead, think spinoff: Bring Elaine Benes home to Baltimore (OK, Towson officially) for "Elaine!"

Imagine: You keep your "Seinfeld" devotees, "Ally McBeal" fans tune in to see Elaine out-neurotic her, and Baltimore stays in prime time after "Homicide" dies. Talk about win-win!

The comic possibilities are endless. A few possible story lines:

* Elaine gets a marketing job at Harborplace. While escorting a water taxi full of VIPs to Planet Hollywood, she gets seasick and loses her huge steamed crab dinner. Among celebs she soils is "Homicide's" sexually ambiguous Det. Tim Bayliss, Kyle Secor (a double crossover!). He asks her out, but at his apartment, she discovers a photo shrine to Newman.

* Elaine's dad, a retired literature prof from Loyola, sells peanuts at Camden Yards. Because of her crush on Brady Anderson, he sneaks her into a game. She is mortified by his need to compete with the Lemonade-Shaking Guy by reciting Shakespeare in rap. Brady finally asks her out, telling her he's "tired of super-models." He goes on DL when Elaine pushes him with a "Get out!" and bursts his still-swollen appendix.

* Elaine's roommate in Canton is an aide in the Rehrman campaign. Elaine suggests she print up labels with the slogan "Maryland * Slots!", but faulty ink causes last vowel to change to "u" when label is licked. Mistake costs Rehrman the governor's race, and Orioles star Cal Ripken's streak ends when he is poisoned by ink while working as a volunteer.

As you can see, a show about nothing could work just as well here as in Manhattan. We hope to see "Elaine!" on your fall schedule.

Pub Date: 5/03/98

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