You have two choices today: you can either take back all those Christmas presents you don't want, or you can watch television. Tough choice, huh?
"Friends" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- Only Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) could wind up thinking her stalker is a pretty cool guy. Also in this repeat from October: Chandler (Matthew Perry) gets tips on how to be a boyfriend. NBC.
"Diagnosis Murder" (8 p.m.-9 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- First, Dr. Sloan's friend dies. Then his arms turns up in the stomach of a shark that dies of a heart attack. Then he (Dr. Sloan, not the shark) discovers his friend had three wives. Bummer. (I promise I didn't make this plot up; those of you who saw it when it first aired in May know I'm serious.) CBS.
"Seinfeld" (9 p.m.-9: 30 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- Here's a repeat worth seeing again (and maybe even taping, to preserve for posterity): Elaine enters the Bizarro world and starts hanging around with three guys who are the mirror images of Jerry, George and Kramer. NBC.
"The Kennedy Center Honors: A Celebration of the Performing ** Arts" (9 p.m.-11 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- This year's honorees: playwright Edward Albee, composer and instrumentalist Benny Carter, country music star Johnny Cash, actor Jack Lemmon and dancer Maria Tallchief. Taped earlier this month, the tributes include one to Cash (which according to reports brings President Clinton to tears) that has Kris Kristofferson, Lyle Lovett and Emmylou Harris singing "Ring of Fire" and Cash's daughter, Roseanne, singing "I Walk the Line." CBS.
"Prizzi's Honor" (9 p.m.-11: 30 p.m., Lifetime) -- Jack Nicholson, Kathleen Turner, Anjelica Huston (who won an Oscar) and William Hickey are all masterful in director John Huston's comedy about two mob hit people who marry one another. Could be a little trimmed for commercial TV, but not enough to irreparably damage the film.
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., repeats 2 a.m.-4 a.m., Comedy Central) -- The film that proves you never know what'll happen when your car breaks down and you're forced to seek shelter in that creepy old house atop the hill. You could wind up staring down a transvestite version of Frankenstein's monster. Of course, the best place to watch this is in a theater full of Rocky" devotees, but maybe there's something to be said for dressing as your favorite character in the privacy of your own home and throwing toast at your TV screen.
Pub Date: 12/26/96