MERRY XCESS Barking up the wrong tree?


A little doggy dignity if your please, Mr. Claws.

(A hymn to the In the Company of Dogs catalog, to the tune of "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing")

Bark! The cocker spaniel sings,

Don't dress dogs in human things.

Faux mink coats and pillbox hats,

Save them for your dolls and cats.

Dogs do not want velvet collars;

Robes are meant for people's showers;

If that human your dog be,

Sign up for pet therapy.

Bark! The cocker spaniel sings,

Canine gifts are silly things.

Reversible Wool/Mink Dog Coat, $68, Item No. 6364; Pillbox Hat, $16, Item No. 2307; Red Velvet Collar With Jingle Bells, $19, Item No. 2350; Doggy Bathrobe, $39-$48 (varies with size), Items No. 3263 and 3265. In the Company of Dogs, P.O. Box 7071, Dover, Del. 19903. Or call (800) 924-5050. If only the cost of owning a dog ended with the cost of acquiring a dog. After all, you spend hundreds of dollars for the purebred pleasure of canine companionship, but is the dog ever satisfied? No, it's kibble this and rabies shot that, just gimme, gimme, gimme all the time. The solution? How about a Life-Size Golden Retriever (29" tall) made of hand-cast resin and hand-painted. Guaranteed to never leave your side -- or shed all over. It may even be more intelligent than some breathing golden retrievers.

Life-Size Golden Retriever, $295. Item No. 475111 from the Cotton Gin, P.O. Box 414, Deep Creek Farm, Jarvisberg, N.C. 27947-0414, or call (800) 637-2446.

Laura Lippman

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