You think the press is negative? Burnt out? Cynical?
Well, you ain't seen nothing until you see the entries to my poetry contest in which you were asked to submit a haiku or limerick on this month's Democratic mayoral primary.
The top winners will be printed in my Sunday column. Today, the Honorable Mentions.
And believe me, some of these people could use a ray of sunshine in their lives:.
Douglas McNeil of Baltimore:
Struggle in the mayor's race
While the city dies.
William Noellert of Baltimore:
In Baltimore an election is pending
With Kurt and Mary Pat contending
A few voters who care
Will separate this pair
For what? More taxing and spending?
Arnold Paskoff of Baltimore:
Maybe the city won't croak
If we re-elect Mayor Kurt Schmoke
Mary Pat's cute,
And Schaefer's a hoot,
But the truth is they all make me choke!
Sandra Ann Pika of Catonsville:
Vote Schmoke or Ms. Clarke?
Hizzoner or Herroner?
I don't give a damn!
Jim Wheeler of Baltimore:
The mayor's adrift without oars
And Mary Pat's campaign is a bore
The city that reads
Needs a mayor who'll lead
Will someone new step to the fore
A. J. Gallagher of Timonium:
Dead men cast ballots
In Baltimore. Their dank votes
Dilute honest hopes.
James M. Woody Jr. of Baltimore:
Schmoke? Clarke? What a choice!
I'm really glad I moved to
Larry Hall of Towson:
Clark's antics are frantic
While Schmoke's lead is gigantic
Both of them feel
They should be at the wheel
of Maryland's "Good Ship Titanic"
Bob Eikenberry of Fallston:
How to choose just one?
All highly dedicated.
Megan Hart Waters of Marriottsville:
Put Clarke and Schmoke in the ring
Let them duke out this mayoral thing
A jab high, one too low,
Someone's reflexes too slow
And the loser hears wee birdies sing
Harry Van Cleaf of Baltimore:
As Mary & Kurt Face Off
To Once Again Feed from the trough
I say to you now, Oh Gee! and Oh Wow!
Let's let them just both kiss off!
Guy M. Murray of Highlandtown:
This race looks like a real beauty
Guess I'll vote and do my civic duty
The question remains
Who will win the campaign?
I don't give a rat's patootie.
But have we got an antidote for cynicism? Yes, we do!
And even though the second line has eight syllables and is therefore not a true haiku, we are allowing it as a honorable mention because it's just so gosh darn sweet!
Jill Lion of Baltimore:
Best candidate for
Mayor? That's easy: Cal Jr.
And my dog Sunny.
Besides, things could be worse. As Jim Little of Arlington, Va., reminds us:
No real candidate.
Pity, but forty miles south,
jTC Marion Barry.
We also have a specialty entry this year that is not a haiku or a limerick. I am giving it an Honorable Mention because so much work went into it. It's from John Abato of Baltimore, and I almost threw it out before I realized that you had to take the first letter of each word to make sense of it:
Kampaigns Usually Ruin Television (selection)
Soon City Hall May Offer Kable Election
Might A Ripken Year Produce Autumn Trends?
Competition Lingers After Roger's Kontest Ends!
Really -- Sarcasm Is My Only Needed (protection.)