Sun King is pale over Raiders' run


Baltimore, rejoice.

The Sun King is in a panic.

Yes, Paul Tagliabue has outdone himself. It isn't every commissioner that plops a team in Jacksonville, and loses two in Los Angeles.

Great day in sports.

The Raiders move back to Oakland.

Two television networks tell baseball to take a hike.

Amazing -- Tagliabue still fared better than Bud Selig.

Baseball is bleeding money, but Selig and Co. so antagonized NBC and ABC, the networks blew them off for the rest of the century.

Now baseball is down to Fox and CBS.

Suggested opening bid: $1.

The next NFL contract would be worth just as little, if the Chicago-St. Louis-Phoenix Cardinals weren't already marching north to L.A.

Tags can relax.

It's not like the Raiders moved to Baltimore.

Asked yesterday what the Cardinals have to do to get out of their lease, the team's general counsel, Thomas Guilfoil, said, "Order a moving van."

This will be the greatest freeway chase since O.J.

Can Jack Kent Cooke be far behind?

L.A. sure beats Laurel.

Of course, even if the Redskins moved west, Tagliabue would invent a territorial exclusivity rule to keep a team out of Baltimore.

Can't wait to see the NFL demographics claiming that by the year 2108, Jacksonville will be bigger than L.A., and Baltimore will be a suburb of Glen Burnie.

Oakland, St. Louis, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Phoenix -- every city that wants a team gets one but us.

Who cares?

Baltimore and L.A., two peas in a pod.

They've got O.J. We've got "Homicide."

They've got Hollywood. We've got The Block.

Build a Camden Yards arena for the NBA and NHL, and we'd be in all the same leagues. Actually, Baltimore would rate a slight edge, since L.A. has the Clippers, and we've got the CFL.

The Clippers.

Now they're a joke.

In truth, the expansion-crazed CFL can't wait to get its mitts on L.A. -- if the city proves it can support a franchise.

Can't have another Sacramento, you know.

Seriously, it warms the heart, knowing the Raiders are going home. The frightening thing is, this might become a trend. Before you know it, Irsay will be zeroing in on Camden Yards.

Irsay and Tagliabue.

We'd have a parade -- straight up the JFX, straight out of town.

Repeating, for those who missed it:

The Bengals aren't coming. No team is coming.

Then again, isn't it time the Seattle Seahawks got a new stadium?

C'mon down to Bawlmer.

Here's the hilarious part: The NFL is building a $250 million stadium in Inglewood, Calif., but Baltimore still offers a better deal.

As we've seen, the owners consider market size irrelevant, because they share television revenue equally. The only issue is the stadium -- how to pay for it, how to fill it.

The new L.A. team, or teams, will put a percentage of its revenue back into the stadium. Not so in Baltimore, where the owner can pocket as much money as his greedy heart desires.

Speaking of owners, maybe Tagliabue can answer this:

Al Davis is good enough for this league, but not Boogie Weinglass?

Davis is good enough, but not Peter Angelos?

"I don't know what's going on, so help me God," Davis said this week.

Davis invoking the heavenly father -- that's a good one.

At least L.A. should get the Cardinals, not that the city cares, with half its population undergoing plastic surgery at any given moment.

The Cardinals have been in Phoenix forever -- well, since 1988. What they want now is a dome, because as everyone knows, Sun Devil Stadium is too hot.

That's right, too hot.

As Guilfoil explains it, the desert heat is brutal early in the season.

Evidently, the weather patterns in Phoenix changed after the Cardinals set up shop.

Too hot -- what will the Sun King say?

This is the commissioner who couldn't wait to expand to Charlotte and Jacksonville, the commissioner whose fondest dream is to put a team in Mexico City.

Too hot.

Never was a problem in Bawlmer.

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