THE Center for Science in the Public...


THE Center for Science in the Public Interest has struck out at the American people once again.

It was bad enough that they condemned fettuccini alfredo.

It was horrifying when they started their propaganda against America's favorite sin, movie theater popcorn.

But now, they've gone too far. They've lashed out against the only thing that keeps many school children from collapsing onto their desks during class and keeps the average worker from taking a bite out of his steering wheel during the 5 o'clock rush hour.

The sandwich. Staple of the American diet, a pillar of the fast-food lifestyle.

Without the sandwich and movie theater popcorn and fettuccini alfredo, civilization as we know it will cease to exist.

If the Center for Science in the Public Interest continues this campaign against the very fabric of American culture, everything good to eat will come loaded with guilt. America will end up a nation of closet eaters, hunched over popcorn buckets wrapped in brown-paper covers and drooling onto their tuna salad sandwiches thick with mayo.

* * *

THE TAXMAN cometh:

"I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried -- but they wanted cash."

-- Anonymous

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."

-- Will Rogers

"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."

-- Herman Wouk

"The income tax people are very nice. They're letting me keep my own mother."

-- Henny Youngman

"Taxes, after all, are the dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society,"

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

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