I DON'T like to splash my personal problems all over the pages of a newspaper. However, just as I did last month, I am responding to an article that my ex-husband, Robin Miller, (a.k.a. deadbeat dad) wrote for this page.
Once again, Robin Miller's recounting of the "facts" of our divorce and child support case is reminiscent of a blurry, out-of-focus photograph taken by an amateur: It doesn't give a true picture.
First, I never said that I didn't want him near our children. In fact, by not attempting to limit his visitation rights -- either in the initial separation agreement I had drawn up or the final divorce decree -- I consciously refused to make visitation an issue, or to try to link it with child support.
At our first court appearance in 1992, the judge indicated that alcohol/drug abuse, child abuse or the inability to care for one's children were the only valid reasons for not insisting on a regular visiting schedule. When the judge asked if these problems existed, initially, I said nothing. But then he added: "Don't be shy." I told him that Robin Miller had spoken of committing suicide in front of the children, and I did not feel it would be beneficial for them to see him on a regular basis until he had resolved the issues that made him feel and behave in that manner. The judge discussed this with Mr. Miller and then seemed to agree with my assessment; we were the only people in court that morning who were not required to sit down and work out a non-custodial parent visitation schedule as part of our agreement. However, the judge did not deny visiting privileges to Robin Miller. He simply didn't force them on either of us.
As for not wanting any child support as long as he left quietly, that is inaccurate, too. I may have said that I did not expect to receive child support (to which he responded that he would pay it anyway) until he got on his feet financially. That was true, and remains so.
Moreover, I did wait for five months before applying for child support. Since he was already driving a cab at the time, I knew he had an income. I also knew he would have to find an apartment and put down a security deposit, get utilities connected, etc. In my estimation, given the fact that Robin Miller was gainfully employed when we separated, after five months he should have been financially ready to pay child support.
Mr. Miller states that I tried to force him to sign an agreement to pay $200 per week in child support, and threatened to have him put in jail if he did not. The first separation agreement I had drawn up did state that he was to pay $200 per week in child support. This figure was based on an estimate of what he had been contributing to their support prior to our separation, and my intention was to use it as a starting point for negotiation.
When he called to say that he had received the agreement, and could not pay $200 weekly, I asked him to make an offer in return. He replied that a lawyer had advised him that $65 a week was adequate at his income level. (For three children? Give me a break.)
I then typed and mailed to him an addendum to the agreement, which included a reduction to $150 per week in child support payments, and advised him that I would claim the mortgage deduction for the house and the dependent deduction for all the children on my income taxes. I indicated that he could write any changes he wanted on the agreement, initial them and return it. I felt we could reach some sort of agreement through written negotiations.
Robin Miller wanted to discuss the agreement in person. However, I did not feel comfortable with a personal meeting so soon after our separation. Moreover, I wanted something in writing, so we could both refer back to it. He never responded to my second mailing.
I never threatened to have him jailed if he did not agree to pay $200 weekly. However, I did say that he was legally obliged to pay child support. The only documents Mr. Miller was ever "required" to sign were the initial agreement setting child support at $120 per week (which he probably did sign "under duress" from his viewpoint), and the divorce agreement, which reinforced the child support amount and settled other outstanding issues.
I have no idea how many jobs Robin Miller applied for after our separation, but I do know that he wanted to start a sedan service before we separated. In fact, my refusal to use my savings to help him start the business was a key factor in our separation.
As for his payments not showing up in the Bureau of Child Support Enforcement records, that was caused by a bureaucratic mix-up that had been resolved in December 1994, well before Robin's article was published last month.
In his article, Robin mentioned that the children and I live in the house purchased using his veterans' benefits. However, he failed to point out that, even before our separation, the vast majority of the monthly mortgage payments (and utility bills) were paid from my earnings.
Robin Miller claims the downturn in the economy prevents him from getting a good paying job that would allow him to pay $120 per week in child support and still meet his other obligations. This is not consistent with other articles he has had published over the past year. Some sample quotes from these articles follow: "I took in almost $200 that night, which made it my best night since June 1." -- The Evening Sun, Oct. 17, 1994. "Even though I earn more money per hour writing than driving, I am looking at the clock right now, waiting for my taxi shift to start." -- City Paper, Jan. 18, 1995. "I probably could have paid $20 or $30 a week in all but the worst times, but after being told repeatedly by assorted child support officials and prosecutors that I would go to jail if I didn't pay the full amount owed -- whether I had it or not -- I decided to pay nothing." -- The Evening Sun, Jan. 11, 1995. "I am paying as much as I can in child support, not in weekly $120 installments per court order, but as much as I can whenever I can." -- The Evening Sun, Feb. 6, 1995.
So tell me, which is the real Robin Miller? The one who netted $200 driving a cab downtown on the first night of the baseball strike? The one who makes more money per hour writing than he does driving? Or the one who earns $150 to $200 per week? The one whose "factory job" is now in Taiwan? The one who chose to pay no child support because he could not pay all of it? Or the one who is paying "as much as he can, as often as he can?"
Finally, Robin Miller contends that we would be better off if an impartial referee, not a court, had heard our child support case. I can only respond that the children -- both ours and all others who are in this situation -- would be better off if he and other deadbeat parents made a consistent effort to live up to their responsibilities. And responsibility to our children is really what all this is about.
Nola N. Krosch writes from Baltimore.