Robert Hicks was ready to go home before his family was even an hour into their vacation.
It didn't get much better during the 12-hour drive from Texas to Colorado for his family's stay in the mountains.
Robert, who is 3 1/2 , fretted about whether the hotel would be nice. He was afraid of the animals at the zoo. He loves trains but screamed his lungs out on a specially arranged steam-train ride.
"When I said we were going home, Robert's face lit up, he was so happy," says his mother, Linda Hicks, a Midland, Texas, attorney.
"We call him our little old man," she says, laughing. "He doesn't like new experiences."
Sound familiar? At one point or another, every family must deal with a reluctant traveler. As Robert Hicks bawled loudly on the steam train, his mother turned to the carload full of tourists. "Aren't family vacations fun?" she asked.
"Everyone broke up laughing," Ms. Hicks says. "They'd all been there."
That's why, no matter how frustrating, how reluctant the kids are, you shouldn't feel it necessary to hang up the backpacks, put away the maps and stay home.
"Remember that kids who learn how to travel effectively are learning how to move about in the world," says Bennett Leventhal, a child psychiatrist and chief of the University of Chicago Department of Psychiatry.
Dr. Leventhal has traveled with his share of bored teens and recommends, "Don't make a big deal about it if they're bored."
No matter what the reluctant travelers' ages, Dr. Leventhal and others suggest, it helps to let them have a say in the planning. Make sure there are plenty of kid-friendly activities on the schedule, too.
Show fearful kids pictures of where you'll be going and what you'll be doing. "Give them lots of reassurance that you'll be with them," advises Sharon Berry, a child psychologist at the Northwestern University-affiliated Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago.
A few trial runs might help too. If the kids aren't used to crowds and the family is heading toward some busy tourist sites in a big city, for example, visit a popular local attraction first, says Los Angeles pediatrician Jeffrey Fireman.
Dr. Fireman made the mistake of "doing New York" with his wife and two grade-school kids from morning to night for several days last summer. "It was stupid," he says. The kids were bored, and everyone was tired. His advice: Go slowly to let the kids get acclimated to a new place.
Always be willing to adjust the itinerary -- and your expectations. The big hit of Robert Hicks' trip wasn't the mountains and certainly not the train ride: It was the fake waterfall and the goldfish in the hotel lobby.
Traveling with kids always requires patience. Reluctant travelers need even more. Just ask Gillian McNamee. She spent many hours in a South American hotel room playing Barbie with her young daughter until the preschooler felt comfortable enough to make some forays out into the strange city. Their first expedition? "To a store that sold Barbies," says Ms. McNamee, a professor of child development at Chicago's Erikson Institute, which specializes in research on children.
"Little routines and familiarity are very important to fearful
children," explained Ms. McNamee. That might mean a stock of Barbie dolls, Power Rangers, hand-held computer games or the same breakfast cereal as at home. Favorite music or books can help too.
Be sure to acknowledge the child's fear -- whatever it may be -- and tell him you want to help him cope.
See if there's a reason for the fear, suggests Dr. Leventhal. Is he worried about a plane crash? An earthquake in California? Is she going to visit someone she doesn't like?
"Tell them that you're their parents, and you'll make sure they'll be safe," says Dr. Leventhal. It sounds simple -- but a talk like that can make all the difference.
If they're frightened of a particular activity -- plunging down a water slide, riding a ski lift, taking a canoe ride, give them permission to sit it out, if that's possible.
"If you force them, it will be a long time before they trust you, and everyone will be miserable," says Maureen Mepham, a veteran teacher who has lots of practice coaxing nervous preschoolers to try new things.
Besides, there's no rule that families must be doing something every minute on vacation. "People underestimate how important is just for kids to spend time with their parents," says Dr. Leventhal. "Even adolescents like it."