In honor of what may or may not be George Washington's birthday, I am going to tell some truths about the state of American food.
I mention George for a couple of reasons. First, he has a reputation as a truthful guy. As a kid he admitted to chopping down a cherry tree. He did not claim that anti-Druid pressure groups made him do it. He told the facts. There was a tree . . . then there was kindling. George would take the consequences.
Another reason I mention George is that as I write this column, most Americans have the day off. Many are honoring the birthday of our nation's first president by going skiing, purchasing bedsheets and pushing chips through dip.
Most of these celebrants couldn't tell you the date of George's real birthday. It is Feb. 22 on the Gregorian calendar, Feb. 11 on the old Julian calendar. When George was a young man, the nation changed calendars, and the day he was born moved from Feb. 11 to Feb. 22. I looked this up, an arduous research task on a day when everybody else in the nation was lollygagging in the malls, eating chips, ordering double espressos.
Not that I am bitter, or cranky. No sir. I am a fan of George. I can't claim to be as big a fan of George as the local trash collectors who somehow got two three-day weekends out of George's birthday, but I still like the guy. I prefer to think of my mood on George Washington's Almost Birthday as a truth-telling mood. Here are some truths I have been meaning to unload.
* Yes, there are onions in the gravy. Onions are what make the gravy taste good. This truth is aimed at my house. There, when an onion or onion part is spotted in the gravy, a howl of protest goes up from the younger eaters. Accordingly, my wife and I have been straining the gravy to remove any sign of the dreaded onions. No more. From this George Washington's birthday forward, the onion comes out of hiding. There will be truth in gravy. If certain anti-onion factions boycott the gravy, so be it. That means there will be more for me.
* Skim milk is sorry stuff. The flavor of low-fat skim is not even close to the flavor of whole, higher-fat milk. Despite what the skim-milk pushers say, I don't think you ever get used to its watery taste. I don't understand why some coffee drinkers insist on having their cafe latte drinks made with skim milk. The difference in the amount of fat between a cup of latte made with skim milk and one made with whole milk seems so small. The taste difference seems so great.
* The quality of modern popcorn is sinking. Many of the new "lighter" microwave popcorn products are so shy of flavor that you have to drench them in good old, melted butter. On another popcorn front, I can not get excited about the supposed health benefits of movie theaters popping their corn in low-fat canola oil as opposed to high-fat coconut oil. A box of popcorn may be a big deal to the moviegoer, but for most of us it is a tiny part of our total diet. The best popcorn is still pan-popped.
* I am suspicious of "paw beers." That is my name for the new beers on the market that use creatures with paws, such as wolves and dogs, in their ads. It strikes me that these critters are claiming wild and woodsy origins, when their backgrounds are really slick and corporate.
* Vegetables and vegetarians are becoming more appealing. The variety of vegetables sold in grocery stores has been growing so fast that clerks need "cheat sheets" to help them tell the bok choy from the leeks. I recall that not long ago, iceberg was the only lettuce in the produce aisle. Now romaine and bibb are common, and you almost need a score card to keep track of the exotic leafy entries. At the same time, vegetarians, once regarded as exotic, have become increasingly common. There is a good chance there is a vegetarian of some stripe in most families, especially if the families have college-aged children.
Finally, I have a vision of America eating. Years from now, when America sits down to celebrate George's birthday, things will have changed.
Rather than using the latest findings in the New England Journal of Medicine to plan our meals, we will be using common sense. We will be buying fresh food, cooking it in our homes, and eating it in the company of family or friends.
We will enjoy rather than worry about this experience. We will want to do it again. After the meal we will go for a walk, or maybe we'll even chop down a dead tree. George will be proud of us.