Q: What can we do about a child who is extremely intolerant of other people's normal noises -- breathing, eating, talking, singing, laughing, etc.? His noises -- the TV and stereo -- have to be louder than anyone else's to drown it all out.
D.W., San Antonio, Texas
A: This problem could be as complicated as a learning disability or as straightforward as a bid for attention. In either case, you should find a way to respect the child's needs without disrupting the rest of the family.
"If the child has been sensitive to noises from an early age, then it's part of his nature," says Stanley Turecki, author of "The Emotional Problems of Normal Children" (Bantam, $22.95). "Also, the child showing other problems, such as aggression, anxiousness, fearfulness or problems with school or peers?"
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, it's a good idea to have the child screened by a health-care professional.
Several parents whose children have been diagnosed with learning problems and attention disorders say this behavior sounds a little too familiar.
"I am the parent of two children with learning disabilities, and this can be a symptom," says Paige Pape of Baltimore.
Another good clue is whether normal noise bothers the child away from home.
"If it's a vicious cycle only at home, there may be an emotional problem or a family problem that needs to be addressed," Dr. Turecki says.
It could just be that the child is trying to get attention, says Katharine Kersey, chairman of the child-studies department at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Va., and author of "Helping Your Child Handle Stress" (Berkley, $10).
"Or it could be a sign of pent-up anger and a child who needs to talk about his feelings," she says.
"No matter what the cause of the problem, the child should not be allowed to dominate family interaction," Dr. Turecki says.
"Tell him you've come to realize he has very sensitive ears, but it's gone too far," Dr. Turecki says. "Ask him to help you figure out a solution that will work for him, but that also respects the rights of others in the family.
"You could soundproof his room, but you could also just buy him a pair of ear plugs."
Think about whether this problem is simply annoying or whether it causes concern about the child's welfare, says Sam Goldstein, a child psychologist, university instructor and author from Salt Lake City, Utah.
"Sometimes the severity of a child's problem is a function of the parents' tolerance," Dr. Goldstein says.
If the child is disrupting the family, Dr. Goldstein advises giving him a choice about whether to participate when he is bothered.
"For example, in a calm way, not an angry way, let the child decide whether to eat dinner with the family or eat in another room," he says.
While a reporter at the Miami Herald, Beverly Mills developed this column after the birth of her son, now 5. Ms. Mills and her husband currently live in Raleigh, N.C., and also have a 3-year-old daughter.
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