SARASOTA, Fla. -- Phil Regan stood on a pitcher's mound, ringing the Liberty Bell.
Roland Hemond stood on a table, reciting the Declaration of Independence.
Peter Angelos stood on the beach, dumping copies of the American League charter into the Gulf of Mexico.
This isn't spring training, it's the American Revolution.
The owners are coming! The owners are coming!
Their scab infantrymen are marching into Florida and Arizona, waving the anti-union jack, desecrating the national pastime.
And their would-be King, George Steinbrenner, is calling for the Orioles to surrender.
"Peter Angelos is not a dumb man," Steinbrenner proclaimed Thursday. "Peter Angelos and [Orioles counsel] George Stamas are very bright men.
"But there is a process. I would be more comfortable with these two men if they would come within the process more, within the organization."
That obviously is too much to ask, but Angelos offered the owners an olive branch yesterday, or at least a twig.
The Orioles announced they will honor their Grapefruit League schedule as long as their opponents use only players under minor-league contracts.
In other words, no scabs.
Minor-leaguers would face minor-leaguers, the fans would see a legitimate product and everything would be just grand.
Of course, commissioner Bud Selig didn't see it that way, claiming Angelos' new stance was still in opposition to the owners' replacement policy.
"I guess it is," Selig said, "but that isn't anything new, obviously."
As usual, this latest development raises a dozen new questions, not the least of which is: How would the Orioles know if their opponent was using scabs?
Are there special X-ray machines that can identify them?
Are there dogs that can sniff them out the way they sniff out drugs?
"I probably can't determine it," Regan said. "I don't know how you'd do it. I don't know if we'd come to a game and say, 'We're not playing.' "
They would, by golly, if they found scabs.
"To be honest with you, I don't know who they are," Regan said. "Do you know?"
Of course not, Phil.
No one does.
Some players signed scab contracts, so they'd be easy enough to identify. Others signed minor-league contracts, but could be pressed into scab duty later.
Teams stocked with such players (St. Louis, the Chicago White Sox) probably would face the Orioles. Teams serious about Scab Ball (Texas) almost certainly would not.
Selig would scream -- the integrity of the Grapefruit League standings would be compromised! But that's a laughable concept, given the current state of the game.
We know, Bud, we know -- it's all hypothetical, and the only solution is to return to the bargaining table.
Too late.
The revolution is on.
For now, the battlefields at Twin Lakes Park are quiet, with no redcoats, Red Sox or red scabs in sight.
The Orioles yesterday opened spring training the old-fashioned way, with players who actually belonged in their uniforms.
It was a regular show of force.
The minor-league catchers donned their battle gear and performed drills. The pitchers covered first base with military precision, then swore loyalty to the cause.
"He [Angelos] has earned the respect of a lot of players," said Jimmy Myers, who signed as a minor-league free agent in December. "He's a union guy. He's standing behind the union as much as he can.
"Even if he has to field a replacement team, I can't see anyone blaming him. The man can't just lose his pants. Two-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars a game, that's a lot of money."
Of course, that's only one possible penalty if Angelos refuses to field a replacement team during the regular season.
The Orioles could forfeit their games, as if that's a legitimate threat.
So what if they go 0-21?
It has happened before.
The bigger fear is that Angelos could lose the franchise, but no one seriously expects that to happen, seeing as how the owners would have to beat him in court first.
Besides, smaller battles lie ahead.
Oakland Athletics general manager Sandy Alderson yesterday
scoffed at the demand by two Maryland politicians that Cal Ripken break Lou Gehrig's consecutive-games record in Baltimore.
"I understand the government has gotten involved now," Alderson said from the A's training camp in Phoenix. "Maybe we should play the game in Teapot Dome."
For those whose knowledge of history starts with Babe Ruth, that's a scandal, not a stadium.
Alderson can laugh all he wants, but he's lucky in Arizona, not Florida. The revolution is on. And if teams want to play the Orioles, they'd better leave their scabs at home.