The TV Repairman:
The other big auto race, the Daytona 500, tops the weekend viewing menu (if you'll give it a chance) Sunday at noon with an appetizer provided for true fans tomorrow (2 p.m.) when a tape of yesterday's Twins 125s is shown on CBS.
Lap-by-lap announcer Ken Squier, flanked by commentators Richard Petty and Ned Jarrett, says the reason ex-NASCAR drivers do so well in the booth is "they speak in a language that folks understand and appreciate. When they get the opportunity to tell about their sport, they're almost like missionaries and they do a very good job with it."
No sooner was that said when Jarrett explained why pole-sitters don't always fare well in the 500: "When somebody goes out and runs fast and wins the pole, he usually becomes the favorite. But that's not necessarily justified, because, once you've done all the things to make a car run fast, now you've got to re-set the car up completely.
"We're talking about four different springs, different shock absorbers, sway bars and all those things that come into play during a race because then it becomes a handling situation, running in the draft of other cars and keeping the car on the bottom of the track."
Figures, right? Most explanations during a car race are as clear. Would that we could say the same thing about other sports, where analysts consistently make things sound like advanced trigonometry.
* Who is this Vader dude in town to challenge Hulk Hogan in the SuperBrawl V pay-per-view show at the Baltimore Arena Sunday (6:30 p.m.)? He's not rated in the top 10 and The Hulkster isn't due for a mandatory defense until next month.
* Darned if Channel 13's Johnny Buren's visits to the bowling alleys on Friday nights doesn't grow on you. Actually, it's a welcome relief from the high school basketball roundups the other network affiliates run, which are poorly shot with incomprehensible text and, inexcusably, often have footage of games where no final score is provided.
* With Oscar De La Hoya and James Toney both on the card, HBO has a winner tomorrow night, especially since the former has John-John Molina to contend with and he fights 2:59 of every three-minute round. Toney's moving up to 175 pounds after his sorry showing against Roy Jones at 168.
* What effect will all that Barkley (Charles, not Alban) business at the NBA All-Star Game last weekend have on his stated goal of running for governor of Alabama in the not-too-distant future? Find out tonight (8) when the game on TNT has the Warriors taking on the Suns. Maybe Sir Charles will stop the game in
mid-action and scream out something appropriate.
* When George Will has an interest, such as when he's been handed a huge advance on a book, the ABC commentator leaves you with the impression the world would turn into a cinder without baseball. As "Nightline" was struggling through another look at the strike recently, Will pontificated how insignificant the game is since it's "only" a $2 billion industry in a $7 trillion economy. Now you know why Sam Donaldson gets upset Sunday mornings on "This Week."
* There's a good interview on "NBA Inside Stuff" tomorrow (Channel 11, 12:30 p.m.), Earl Lloyd, first African-American to play in the league (1950), talking about the old days wherein not one opposition player ever uttered a racial slur in his direction.
* Remember all those stories during the NHL lockout about players meeting on their own religiously and whipping themselves into shape. Of course they were all bunk and you have ESPN commentator Mike Milbury's word for it. The ex-coach says, "Within two weeks the players conditioning will peak. One of the reasons scoring is down is that players did not arrive in top condition. Offense is creativity and speed. When you are tired and not skating as fast, the offense suffers." Note: The Washington Caps have scored just 22 goals in their 12 games (2-8-2).
* ESPN's classy "Outside the Lines" program has scheduled a repeat of "A League Second to None," a historical look at Negro League Baseball, Feb. 25 at 7:30 p.m. as part of its Black History Month observance. * One of the new selections on United Artists Cable (Baltimore City) is Prime Sports Network (Ch. 72), which isn't loaded with material but has a good interview show conducted by Ann Liguori. She was talking to Pancho Gonzalez the other night and he said, "It's tough to name the greatest tennis player; I could name a half-dozen great ones. The guy who really scared me the most was Don Budge."
* The WBAL spokesman took an unnecessary shot at local listeners, pointing out that new sports hire Pam Ward has "a special affinity for Maryland which our listeners will appreciate," seemingly painting one and all as provincial homers.
* Correction: I inadvertently skipped over Fox Network's coverage of the first three rounds of the Stanley Cup playoffs between the end of the regular season and the cup final. It will be sending games out regionally on weekends in May and June.
* If the power-walker Bruce Jenner shills for in one of those TV infomercials can do that to what once was a body that won the gold medal in the Olympic decathlon, they must have a tough time unloading the apparatus.
* For all the time, publicity, expense and star-power put into the ESPY Awards (on ESPN), it's remarkably bad. No wonder the Westminster Dog Show telecast on USA beat it in the ratings.
* The third stop on the indoor track series is Cleveland tomorrow (NBC, 2:30 p.m.) and the shows are getting better and better as the net learns how to get more and more into the hour telecast. . . . The first relatively big horse race of the year, the Fountain of Youth Stakes from Florida, gets 90-minute treatment from ESPN tomorrow at 3:30 p.m. Which releases the cable firm's parent, ABC, to give World Cup skiing and the dance competition from last week's U.S. Figure Skating Championships their due.
The "Kiss & Cry" set did quite well, incidentally, the women's final in prime time Saturday beating out the NBA All-Star Game on NBC on Sunday. The men's final in the afternoon was a solid fourth among about 20 sports events metered.
* The best of the guest sportscasters on Channel 11 last week was Jon Miller, but he might qualify as a ringer.