What do you suppose the reaction would be to a U.S. senator's proposition that the use of cocaine and heroin be legalized? Lots of yakety-yak on talk radio? Ted Koppel doing a few nights of "Nightline" on the subject?
Decriminalization is the occasional gruel of talk-show conversation. It is not a line item in the "Contract with America." Though there's merit to the argument that legalizing drugs would reduce the violent crime associated with its commerce, a long political crusade would be necessary to galvanize the nation in ,, support. Let's assume the nation is ready to attempt this grand social experiment. Let's assume that one man -- not the president, but a Republican senator - could actually force the issue.
One makes this leap from the hard edge of political realities on the promise of a good story. This novel by Christopher Lehmann-Haupt is not that story. Those who make the leap will find themselves tumbling into a deep gorge of absurd plot lines, wooden dialogue and flat, even laughable characters.
Nick Schlafer, the junior senator from Pennsylvania, is prepared to file a decriminalization bill in Congress, in part as a memorial to his daughter. It is believed she died of a drug overdose. Senator Nick doesn't buy it; he thinks someone killed her. Before we're done with this tale, Nick will take time out from fly-fishing and hard-drinking to solve the mysteries of his daughter's death, meet the mother he thought was dead, start up a relationship with a mob figure, and pull the wraps off a dark Washington secret. Oh, his son gets kidnapped, too.
Lehmann-Haupt, the daily book reviewer of the New York Times, has constructed a maze, but it's more annoying than intriguing. Incredibly, the author seems to realize this himself as, every now and then, he stops to have Nick awkwardly recap events for those still following along at home. The slow, fallow stretches of dialogue, the pointless detours we're asked to take -- all of these irritants take readers back to the book's fundamental flaws, back to that leap in logic we wish we hadn't made.
Without a national consensus, a senator who proposes decriminalization would be little more than a public amusement, and drug dealers would laugh at him. Even if the nation were ready for decriminalization, the senator filing the appropriate legislation would be one of several suits at a bill signing, a talking head on "Nightline," not the target of drug dealers. They would have much bigger things to worry about.
And yet, in Lehmann-Haupt's novel, the senator becomes the lone brave crusader, his every move tracked in the bad guys' sights. In addition to having the detective skills of Travis McGee, Nick has the physical skills of Indiana Jones. He can do with a fly rod what Indy can do with a bullwhip. Eighty-one long pages from the book's finish, he grips his trusty rod and casts a streamer fly to fight off an approaching assassin. And he does it while stunned, on his back, in a cold trout stream. Without his eyeglasses! He actually sets the hook in the villain's neck and saves himself. This is Lehmann-Haupt's first novel, a right rough start.
Dan Rodricks, a local news columnist since 1979, is author of "Mencken Doesn't Live Here Anymore: Tales of Baltimore in the 1980s." Winner of the Heywood Broun Award and numerous regional awards, he was a commentator for WBAL-TV from 1980 through 1992, and hosts a talk show on WBAL Radio. He enjoys fly-fishing.
"A Crooked Man," by Christopher Lehmann-Haupt. 352 pages. New York: Simon & Schuster. $22