FOR those of you who get to...


FOR those of you who get to bed well before midnight, here's what "Late Show" host David Letterman has been saying lately about the O.J. Simpson trial:

"Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have three scheduled guests and 22 surprise witnesses."

"Sorry I'm a little late. I was backstage hitting golf balls."

"I don't want to say Robert Shapiro has nothing to do, but earlier today, he begged Judge Ito to let him be bailiff for the day."

"The O.J. Simpson jury is getting a little edgy after being sequestered for three weeks. Today they asked Judge Ito if they could have conjugal visits with each other."

"In an interview, O.J. defense attorney Johnnie Cochran said, 'I'm not in it for the money.' Yeah, and I came to CBS just so I could work with Morley Safer."

"Gee, maybe O.J. should start dreaming about getting acquitted."

"Johnnie Cochran is slick, he's smooth . . . Whenever I see him, one phrase comes to mind: Would you like to take it out for a test drive?"

"I like Johnnie Cochran . . . But doesn't he remind you of the guy at the Wiz who talks you into the three-year protection plan on your VCR?"

"Ford Motor Company had record earnings of $5.3 billion. They think it's due to new styling, better warranties and that six-hour Ford Bronco commercial last June."

"I don't know what the hell is going on. Today Judge Ito took a 15-minute recess to trim his beard."

"The O.J. sequestered jury can have conjugal visits whenever they want. It bothers me that a sequestered jury has a better life than I do."

"I understand that while pacing in his cell yesterday, O.J. gained more yardage on the ground than the San Diego Chargers [did in the Super Bowl]."

"Another setback today for Johnnie Cochran -- O.J. told Cochran his arthritis is so bad he can't sign his check."

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