From out of the White House and across snow-covered official Washington last night, you could almost hear the dulcet voice of Bob Sheppard, the Yankees' legendary public-address announcer:
"Your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. Now coming to bat in the baseball strike, num-buh one, Bill Clinton, num-buh one."
True to his word, the nation's No. 1 fan has thrust himself into the dispute in the absence of a hint of compromise between the equally greedy players and owners. It was indeed a neat double play President Clinton attempted to pull off yesterday, calling as he did for the baseball Bickersons to end their 180-day dispute and the Republican-led Congress to embrace his $1.61-trillion national budget. If you're scoring at home, the president strikes out on both counts.
It would be nice to think the most powerful person in the free world has the power to return the national pastime to the fans. But as Fay Vincent could tell him, this is a dispute that devours and spits out any and every third party who dares to seek a settlement, even a president.
It was interesting that Clinton "reluctantly" elected to give the sides one more day to resolve their differences at the bargaining table. Let's see. That must be about the 38th deadline that has come and gone in this hideous exercise. Perhaps after consulting with his aides, Labor Secretary Robert Reich and mediator William Usery, the president was able to get a clearer look at the situation he is facing.
The fact is, badly as he needs a win -- or even a save -- Clinton can't force either side to accept a settlement it can't live with. And the owners have made it abundantly clear they can't live with a non-negotiated settlement that doesn't contain some significant salary constraints.
By now, even Clinton ought to be able to see that players union chief Donald Fehr wants to achieve a settlement anywhere but at the bargaining table. For months, Fehr has appealed to Congress, the courts, the National Labor Relations Board -- to just about everybody in Washington except the caretaker at Arlington National Cemetery -- in an effort to force a settlement on the owners.
Throughout the entire six-month process, was there anything more obscene than the specter last week of striking millionaire ballplayers throwing a lavish cocktail party for members of Congress?
"Would you please sign my cocktail napkin, Mr. Glavine?"
"Certainly, congressman, and don't forget, we sure need your vote to deliver us from our plight."
If anything, maybe the proposal Usery is to deliver today can serve as a framework from which the two sides can begin to negotiate.
Eventually -- maybe after the federal deficit is wiped out and Congress is able to agree on a health-care bill -- the baseball strike will be settled. In the meantime, the president, having announced himself as coming into the game, would do well to find a tactful way out before he gets roughed up.
As for a surefire way to end the strike, I kind of liked the suggestion made by my friend, Ted Feurey.
"Clearly," said Feurey, "as fans, we're in a hostage situation. The only way to resolve it is to shoot one player and one owner every day until they surrender and cry, 'Play ball!' "