MY EX-WIFE's article that recently appeared on this page describing me as an uncaring man who has voluntarily chosen a low-paying job in order to avoid paying child support, proves the main point of my original essay on this page: Child support matters should be solved by mediation, not in court.
What Nola N. Krosch, the former Nola K. Miller, wrote was true from her point of view. What I wrote was just as true from my point of view. If she and I had met in front of an impartial referee at any point in our mutual courtroom saga, instead of being on opposite sides in a criminal case, I believe we would both be better off. And our children would be better off, too.
According to Nola Krosch, "Mr. Miller ceased to show any interest in his children from the day he walked out the door, long before child support became an issue."
She forgot to say that she told me she didn't want me near our children, and that she didn't want any money from me as long as I left quietly.
So, with no savings and an unstable income of less than $150 per week, I moved into a room in a part of town where nightly gunfights are common. My rent was $240 per month. I slept on a foam pad because I didn't have enough money to buy a bed. And as soon as I was situated, Nola demanded $200 a week in child support payments. If I didn't fork it over, she said, she would have me put in jail.
Nola soon had me in court, where an assistant state's attorney (whose name I can no longer remember) told me that unless I signed a paper admitting that I should have paid $200 a week when asked, I would be put in jail. So I signed. I told the judge that I was signing the paper under threat of incarceration and that I was not earning that much money, but no one listened.
This is how the first $8,500 in back child support accumulated, even though my total earnings was less than $8,500 during the time this "debt" was piling up.
I wanted to earn more for myself and to help my kids, so I applied for dozens of jobs in the electronics field, which is the only area in which I have any formal training beyond high school. Every time I went on an interview, I was one of many applicants. Westinghouse, Martin Marietta and other big aerospace employers were (and still are) laying off hundreds of technicians with more experience and more education than I had.
After striking out in my job search, I started my own business. I usually took in enough to cover my business expenses, but I often had trouble paying my rent and buying food. Catching up on my child support payments soon became a distant dream. I came close to killing myself several times. Suicide seemed like the only way to stop my child support debt from piling up.
On July 15, 1993, it looked like I was finally going to get some relief. Nola and I signed an agreement that gave me a "clean slate." In return for her willingness to forgive about $11,000 in arrears, I signed our house over to her and agreed to pay $120 a week in child support.
I had doubts about my ability to come up with that amount consistently but, once again, it was "Sign or go to jail," so I signed. I made a few payments before I once again started getting dunning notices for the "forgiven" debt. I still get dunning notices for the "forgiven" debt. The few payments I did make never showed up in my court records. I stopped feeling guilty about child support -- and stopped paying -- as soon as I found that I had been duped yet again.
I decided: Why try? They're going to put me in jail no matter what I do. I might as well live day to day until they come for me.
Nola said on the record in court that she didn't want me near our children. However, under the "clean slate" agreement, she agreed that I could see the children. But since I'm still being hounded for the original $11,000 which supposedly was "forgiven," I have no reason to believe she ever expected to honor the rest of it. Before then, I believe Nola Krosch would have had me arrested if I had tried to see our children, and that the court would have backed her and ignored me. After all, this is the only pattern I have seen since this case began.
My business broke up a year ago. I now drive a cab that belongs to my primary business creditor. I'm working off my debts as fast as I can. I make some money from writing free-lance articles. I am paying as much as I can in child support, not in weekly $120 installments per court order, but as much as I can whenever I can.
I am now remarried and, as my new wife will tell you, I am so buried in business and child support debt that I am on a work-sleep-work schedule, seven days a week. But I have so little money left to contribute to my new household that we will move into an even cheaper apartment than the one we live in now when our lease expires.
Nola Krosch complains about financial problems while she lives in a house I bought with my veterans' benefits and money I earned by working 80 hours a week. She gets all the tax deductions from our children and our house. With her college degree, she earns far more than anyone has offered me in recent years.
But none of this counts in court or anywhere else. As far as society is concerned, all deadbeat dads would rather live in poverty than pay child support. As Nola Krosch points out, I believed this until (with her help) I became a deadbeat dad
worthy of nothing but scorn.
On Wednesday I will go to court for a child support hearing. I expect to go from court directly to jail because, on Dec. 1, 1994, an assistant state's attorney told me I would go to jail if I didn't come back with $2,500 in hand, an amount I do not have and can't possibly have by Wednesday.
According to Nola Krosch, "Robin Miller, and the many other deadbeat dads, have had ample opportunity to comply with state and federal laws in the matter of child support." She adds, "Many of them have the ability to earn sufficient income to meet the requirements and have chosen not to support their children."
I don't have this ability, but I have learned to accept jail as my destiny.
So spare me your tears, I'm a rotten guy. Just lead me to my cell and leave me alone.
Robin Miller is a Baltimore taxi driver.