LOS ANGELES -- On the four TV monitors in the O. J. Simpson press room we are watching photos of O. J. Simpson in his Jockey shorts.
While some of my colleagues hoot and holler, I record but one thought in my notebook:
"Are these the underpants of a killer?"
As far as I'm concerned, the defense could rest its case on that issue alone. But the Dream Team is insisting on a lengthy trial.
Which may take, it is said, anywhere from three to 12 months.
"I'll do anything to stay out of that cell," O. J. Simpson has said.
I think I know how he feels.
At Mens' Central Jail, he has 63 square feet all to himself. At the O. J. Simpson press room, I don't have half that much space.
I type with my elbows tucked into my sides so I don't bang the Washington Post to my right or the San Jose Mercury News to my left.
The press room is narrow, crowded, windowless and insufferably hot. It smells of sweat and smoke and rotten food.
On the floor under my "desk" (a long table divided by masking tape into spaces for each journalist for which each of us has paid $1,250) there is, among a variety of paper garbage, a pickle slice.
It has been there for as long as I can remember. I would pick it up, but I am not entirely sure it is a pickle slice. Once, when it thought nobody was looking, I think I saw it move.
All of us would rather be in the courtroom, but this is often not possible.
Because Judge Lance Ito, citing security concerns, would not move to a larger courtroom, seating is limited. So most journalists rotate in and out.
When we are out, we sit in the cramped and noisy press room watching a direct TV feed and wishing we were back inside the court.
For all the criticism Judge Ito has taken during this trial, he has created an oasis of order and calm inside his courtroom. And he has done so in typical fashion:
He has written out rules of conduct and threatened to jail anyone who breaks them.
In a court order, stamped with an official seal, Ito has provided rules for behavior "during the presentation of evidence in the People vs. Orenthal James Simpson." They include:
* "No verbal or visible displays of emotion will be allowed in this courtroom. This includes the rolling of eyes, facial grimaces, hand gestures, and all other obvious expressions."
The chief violator of this order, as you may have noticed, is Orenthal James Simpson. He rolls his eyes, purses his lips, blows air out in disgust, scrinches up his nose and shakes his head at the ceiling.
His lawyers have warned him about this when the jury is present. And on Tuesday, Simpson's eldest daughter, Arnelle, wrote a note during court, handed it to a deputy sheriff, who handed it to one of Simpson's lawyers, who handed it to Simpson. It said, in part: "No more facial expressions."
* "No symbols or statements supporting either the prosecution or the defense will be allowed inside the courtroom. This includes signs, buttons, T-shirt emblems, and other forms of visible support."
Note that Ito has banned "T-shirt emblems," not T-shirts. In California, beach attire and court attire are virtually indistinguishable.
And Denise Brown, the eldest sister of Nicole Brown Simpson, has shown up in court in skin-tight and low-cut outfits. They are usually black, however, so it's not like she has no sense of the seriousness of the proceedings.
* "All electronic devices such as telephones, pagers, and alarm watches must be turned off upon entering the courtroom. Failure to comply will result in the confiscation of the above mentioned items."
Judge Ito confiscated his third pager Wednesday. It came from prosecutor Christopher Darden.
Darden complained that this would be a blow to the prosecution, because his boss, Marcia Clark, would not be able to contact him outside business hours.
"You may end up thanking me," Ito replied.
Ito ends his rules with: "Failure to abide by this court order will result in temporary or permanent expulsion from the courtroom, monetary sanctions, or criminal contempt proceedings."
Which means if I violate the rules, I could be jailed.
And I might get a cell next to Simpson.
And a chance to stretch out.