Christmas is supposed to be the season for goodwill, peace and family, and it is not the appropriate time for recriminations. But for a number of divorced mothers and fathers in Carroll and other Maryland counties, this festive holiday is an unpleasant reminder of the injustices they suffered in the state court system.
In Carroll, the ranks of the unhappily divorced women keep increasing. Nearly all of them have lost custody of their children, are paying irrational levels of child support and spend much of their income paying lawyers' fees. They feel victimized, particularly at this time of year.
"The whole system is wrong," said Mary Clum, a Westminster resident who has been entangled in a two-year custody dispute. "The system isn't people-oriented. It is a game where the object is to prove the other parent is unfit."
She is not alone in her hostility toward Maryland's family law, the judges and masters who administer it and the lawyers who use it to enrich themselves.
Selma Black, a Pikesville grandmother, found herself in divorce court after 20 years of marriage to her second husband, whom she married after the death of her first husband.
"The entire structure is rotten," she said. "It is a beast that is feeding upon the men and women of this society. The adults may complain about the raw deals they receive, but the real damage is being done to the children."
After their divorces, these women thought they had been the unfortunate victims of the system. But they have learned they are not alone. A number of them are part of a grassroots movement to rewrite the state's family law.
Kathleen Murphy, a Westminster woman whose divorce from Lloyd Schaeffer was inexplicably one-sided, has formed an organization with a long formal name -- Get Results with Effective Efforts Now, Family Law Action Group -- but an easily remembered acronym, GREEN FLAG.
In Ms. Murphy's case, Circuit Court Judge Raymond E. Beck Sr. awarded custody of their adopted son to her wealthy former husband. Although she was a part-time bank teller making a modest $7.51 an hour, the judge decreed that she should pay $315 a month child support and half the mortgage, taxes, insurance and maintenance on the house she can no longer live in. Not only did the decree saddle her with an unbearable financial burden, she and her daughter from a previous marriage were made homeless, which she calls the "gravest injustice of all."
Rather than let the impact of a divorce decree eat away at her, Ms. Murphy decided to use it as device to make others aware of the inequities of family law and the way it is administered.
She put a small notice in the newspaper seeking people who also had complaints about their divorces. She didn't expect to hear from many, yet the calls started pouring in.
She organized two vigils at the Carroll County courthouse. The first was on a Sunday and attracted a few others, who walked in silent protest. Then, on Dec. 15, Ms. Murphy conducted a six-hour vigil that attracted a dozen other marchers.
Ms. Murphy has had one meeting, and the number of women -- and men -- who attended surprised her. Some of the women who came to march or attended the meeting had stories similar to hers. Several of the women lost custody of their children because they returned to school and acquired skills that enabled them to earn decent livings for the first time in their lives.
Marsha Mahoney, a mother of three children who had lived in Carroll but moved to Owings Mills after her divorce, feels that she was penalized because she stopped working in the home and became a nurse at the Maryland Shock-Trauma Center. Her husband won custody of their three daughters, and she has to pay child support. Ms. Mahoney believes that Judge Beck took a dislike to her.
"If I were a drug addict, a neglectful mother or physically abused my children, I could understand his decision," Ms. Mahoney said. "This is unfair. If I don't have my children, I don't have anything."
Finksburg resident Karen Hamm, 27, found that she was denied custody because she was going to school and working at the same time. Married at 19, she and her husband had a daughter. The marriage fell apart after four years. A high school graduate who had started college but left at the urging of her husband, Ms. Hamm had enrolled at Carroll Community College to obtain a degree.
At the temporary custody hearing, she found that she had to answer charges that she was "warehousing" her child at day care while she attended to work and school. She said that she found herself "between a rock and a hard place because I had to choose between my daughter and having some money come in so I could live."
Ms. Hamm said her self-image was destroyed. "I thought I was a terrible mother," she said. "They know the best way to get even with women is to take their children."
All of these women believe that these inequitable custody and child supports arrangements indicate something is dreadfully wrong with the system.
With the number of divorces growing, the rest of us are going to hear more from other women, particularly around family holidays such as Christmas when the separation from their children is most painful.
Brian Sullam is The Baltimore Sun's editorial writer in Carroll County.