Phil Regan's barber told him to look at the bright side.
"You could be the only manager never to win or lose a game," he said.
The barber was assuming no major-league baseball would be played in 1995. He could be right, but Regan might be managing the Orioles anyway.
Not the real Orioles, mind you.
The replacements.
Will it happen? Not if Peter Angelos gets his way. But then, no one thought the owners would cancel the World Series or implement a salary cap, so who can predict these things anymore?
The New York Yankees' Buck Showalter is tinkering with three prospective spring-training rosters -- the real Yankees, the replacement Yankees and a combination of the two.
Showalter claims he has no idea which players might cross the picket line, but detail freak that he is, he's trying to prepare.
Regan, however, says such planning is "almost impossible." And in his case, it probably would be a waste of time.
Angelos opposes the use of replacement players. He reportedly told the owners he would not participate in a plan that would end Cal Ripken's consecutive-games streak, and warned them of "mass economic suicide" if they choose that direction.
No wonder general manager Roland Hemond says the Orioles haven't even discussed replacement players. The question is whether the owners could exert enough pressure -- financial or otherwise -- to force Angelos to play.
"We're very aware of the situation," American League woman Phyllis Merhige said. "We've made our attorneys aware of it. But we've deferred any decision on it until after the new year."
Even now, many in baseball think Scab Ball is a long shot. The owners no doubt are drafting plans, but Regan identified the main problem with replacement players.
"I really don't know where you'd get 'em," he said Friday from his home in Grand Rapids, Mich.
"You've got a 40-man roster. Maybe 15 of those are your top Triple-A and Double-A players. If they're on strike and they won't play, where do you go? Where are the players going to come from?
"My neighbor's a pharmacist. He says he's working out, he's ready to go. I said, 'Keep working out, you never know.' "
Someone name Regan commissioner -- he just coined the official major-league slogan for 1995.
Repeat after Bud Selig:
Keep working out, you never know.
Latin players will be denied visas now that the U.S. Department of Labor has certified the strike, so they're out.
And U.S. prospects would be foolish to cross the picket line and risk the wrath of their major-league heroes, so they're out, too. Who's left?
Regan's neighbor, and a few others.
Put it all together, and Regan might become the first man in baseball history to regret leaving a job with the Cleveland Indians.
Would it be difficult for him to manage replacement players? Well, the man is 57 years old, and he just landed his first major-league managing job. What do you think?
"You want to manage the Ripkens and Palmeiros -- the best players in the world," Regan said. "For me, it would be hard. I would do it, but it would be very hard."
It would be hard because it would lead to a fractured clubhouse, with the returning major-leaguers treating the replacements with disdain once the strike ended.
And it would be hard because the quality of play would be dismal. Regan cited a Venezuelan pitcher who played in Single-A and Double-A last season, and couldn't make his winter-league team in Caracas.
"You're looking at a different talent," Regan said. "It'd be a comedown."
That is, if Angelos allowed such a second-rate act to play at Camden Yards. "To me, he has not said anything," Regan said. "We have hardly even talked about it."
Is he aware of Angelos' position? "I know how he feels," Regan said, laughing.
So, while other managers refuse comment about replacement players -- "I'm right in the middle," the Phillies' Jim Fregosi said -- Regan voices his opinions without fear of retribution.
He opposes the idea of replacement players not because he once was a member of the players' union. He opposes the idea because it wouldn't be major-league baseball.
"You want baseball to be baseball," Regan said. "The fans deserve to see major-league players. I kind of have that position myself."
But to the owners, logical positions are radical, and radical positions are logical. Welcome to baseball, Orwellian style. Welcome to the state of the game, 1994.