'Tis the season to say 'tis the season.
If you pick up any newspaper at this time of year (including this one), the proliferation of holiday puns, plays on favorite Christmas carols and seasonal literary allusions can make you woozier than spiked eggnog. We're in an absolute tizzy. No, make that a 'tis-y. And a 'twas-y, too, as in " 'Twas the night before Christmas . . ."
Everybody does it. Using a computer data base, The Sun searched the 49 largest newspapers in the country for the December usage of the following phrases over the last five years: "The Grinch who stole . . ." "Yes, Virginia," and " 'Tis the season."
Here's what we found:
* The Grinch's mug should be up at your local post office. Every December, the five-year survey showed, this 53-year-old guy gets blamed for just about everything that goes wrong. At the height of his popularity, in December 1992, the Grinch's name was invoked 152 times. And he's on the roll this year with the Republicans' taking control of the Congress.
Oh, sure, there are one or two mentions of the annual broadcast of Dr. Seuss' "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." But most references are widespread allegations against the hairy beast with the tight shoes and tiny heart. This fall, he morphed into a truly terrifying creature: the Gingrinch. As in: "The Gingrinch who stole [put your favorite entitlement program here]."
But the Grinch's name is taken in vain more than the incoming Speaker of the House. Stolen Christmas lights in Mount Airy? It's the Grinch. Baseball strike? Grinch. Alan Greenspan is the Grinch, according to Maryland Sen. Paul Sarbanes. The appellation also has been applied to grown-ups who hate summer, Texas Sen. Phil Gramm, the National Basketball Association, Maryland Rep. Wayne Gilchrest, ex-presidential contender Paul Tsongas, Michael Jordan ("Air Grinch") and the IRA.
Inevitably, Grinch denials follow. During this fall's gubernatorial campaign, Republican Ellen Sauerbrey said: "I am not the Grinch who will steal state government."
Here's a thought: Maybe Gov. William Donald Schaefer, who has been compared to the Grinch in this newspaper, could pardon the real Grinch before he leaves office.
* "Yes, Virginia." Boy, ask one little question a century ago and your education goes on forever. Columnists, politicians and others feel obligated to tell Virginia all sorts of things she never asked. (Her personal best -- 195 mentions in December 1991. Again, a television show accounts for a few references, but only a few.)
Virginia has been assured of the existence of: a Christmas House Tour in Linthicum, baseball fans, Florida State University football player Charlie Ward, rules committees for condominiums, Joe De Francis, NFL expansion, a recession and -- yes, Virginia! -- a simple recipe for barbecued blueberry cobbler.
Virginia references are tapering off, however -- only 81 last December and, so far this year, fewer than 25. Maybe she left town and decided not to leave a forwarding address. Who can blame her? She'd be about 106 now.
* 'Tis the season. Newspapers love this phrase. It appears in print almost as often as "A member of the Clinton cabinet will resign, sources close to the White House said."
Over the past four years, " 'Tis the season" averaged more than 250 citations in the top 49 newspapers every December. That means the average reader is guaranteed a " 'Tis the season" once a week from Thanksgiving through Christmas.
Of course, 'tis not merely the season to be jolly. 'Tis the season for gilded pomegranates, for example, or shopping. Basically, anything that is done in December can be "tizzed."
Pundit George Will wins the prize for most original observation, made last year in his syndicated column: " 'Tis the season to study the wildness in the streets."
Wildness in the streets? Must be the Grinch.