Dear Santa,
Help! Here's the wish list of a desperate gardener. It's been a rough year for garden tools. Many of mine are battered or broken. Don't bother hauling this stuff down the chimney. Just drop these goodies in the garden and I'll use them directly.
This is what I need:
* A garden hoe. I know, I know -- every year I ask for a hoe, hoe, hoe. All of mine are chipped and bent from striking roots and rocks. Bring me Super Hoe, Santa -- one that even Mr. MacGregor couldn't wear out.
* A pruning saw. This crescent-shaped tool is made to trim hard-to-reach branches. It's also ideal for cutting down Christmas trees. I left the old saw at a tree farm last year. How badly do I need one? I just pruned a holly with a steak knife.
* A wheelbarrow. Mine is 20 years old and starting to leak. With the right drainage, the wheelbarrow should make a great planter. So I need a new one, pronto, if only to give kids a ride around the yard.
* A garden hose. Katydid the dog got hold of the old one and chewed it into macaroni-sized pieces. This has happened before. If they make steel hoses, Santa, save one for me.
* A watering can. The old one was plastic; Katydid bit off the spout. Perhaps you could bring her some chewy tools of her own?
* A leaf rake. When I leaned on the old one, it cracked in half. It's useless now e*cept to scratch Katydid's back -- but she's in the doghouse.
* A soil thermometer. Seeds germinate at different temperatures. It's important to take the garden's temp before planting in spring. I've tried, without success, to use the pop-up thermometer that comes in the holiday turkey.
* A galvanized washtub. Mine sprang a leak. A washtub is perfect for mixing different garden fertilizers, making manure "tea" and washing the dog when she rolls in manure.
* Safety goggles. Every time I cast a handful of powdered limestone on the garden, a gust of wind blows it back in my face and I end up looking like a mime. With goggles, at least I'll be able to see how silly I look.
* A gift certificate for flower and vegetable seeds. It's a real kick, leafing through garden catalogs and ordering your favorite plants, gratis. Makes you feel like the kid who found $5 on the candy store floor.
* Graph paper. Every garden should be planned in advance, and there's no better way to organize the beds. Bring a pack of graph paper for my daughter, too -- I swiped what was in her school notebook.
* Canning lids. Smart gardeners lay in a supply in winter, when supplies are high. It beats running from store to store for lids at the height of the midsummer tomato harvest.
* Garden shoes. It's time to trash the raggedy sneakers I use for yardwork. The old shoes have a scent so appalling, I've been ordered to remove them before entering the house. Now my wife is threatening to make me take off the sneakers in the garden shed, 30 feet from the house. I can't go barefoot in winter.
* A push mower like Gramps used to have. No kidding, a reel-type mower is perfect for squeezing into those hard-to-reach corners where a power mower won't fit. And how many times has that gas guzzler sputtered to a stop within 10 feet of finishing the lawn? A push mower would save me countless trips to the gas station.
* A sundial. Don't ask me how to read 'em, but I've noticed that sundials add class to other people's yards and I want one.
* Garden gloves. Bring me a pair that will last the summer. All my gloves develop holes in exactly the same spot: the crevice between thumb and forefinger. When the hole is big enough, along comes a clod of dirt that slips into the hole and starts rattling around in the glove like a pinball gone berserk. In disgust, I rip off the gloves and throw them down, usually losing one of them. That's why I have six right-handed gloves and no lefties. I can't find those darn gloves anywhere. Maybe they've gone to sock heaven.
* Potting soil. Every gardener needs a bag or two to get him through the winter. Need a dirt fix? Tear open the bag and take a deep breath. Come January, it's time to stop and smell the earth.
Thanks, Santa. And could you do me one favor before you leave? Please back the reindeer up to my garden. I need all the fertilizer I can get.
! Your friend, Mike