Orlando, Fla. -- A massive shark leaps almost to the side of your boat, its red-stained jaws and huge pointy teeth bringing screams from the passengers. Then gasoline drums explode and a wall of heat slaps your face.
Or try this: Tour an old, ghostly hotel, thick with 50 years of cobwebs, and then ride its elevator down -- real fast. Plunge 13 stories, screaming in the brief seconds of seeming free-fall.
Welcome to the lands of make-believe celebrating -- what else? -- another land of make-believe: Hollywood.
America's love for movie magic is so powerful that two competing multibillion-dollar amusement parks -- located minutes apart by interstate in Greater Orlando -- are making a compelling pitch for your vacation dollar.
The first was Disney/MGM Studios, which opened as a TV and film production site in 1988, and as a theme park in May 1989.
A year later came Florida's Universal Studios -- a combination theme park and working film-and-TV production center. Sound familiar?
Since then, both parks have been expanding nonstop -- each trying to outdo the other in thrills, chills and nostalgia, to blur the boundaries of film fiction and reality and convince you, the visitor, that you are there.
Publicists for the studio parks term each other's new attractions mutually beneficial because they lure more customers, even as they compete to be the biggest and best. Neither Universal nor Disney has dared to slow its half of their entertainment arms race.
Disney is the big boy, owner of a central Florida tract roughly half the size of Baltimore where the company over the course of two decades has built three major theme parks, two water parks, a nighttime entertainment complex and a growing number of hotels and resorts.
Universal, which recently bought additional land around its studio tours park, still measures its property in hundreds of acres rather than square miles.
But Universal has big plans for its acreage -- a multibillion-dollar expansion that will include a nighttime entertainment complex, five "themed" hotels, and a second major attraction with sections paying homage to the megahit movie "Jurassic Park" and to Popeye and Marvel superheroes.
So Orlando and Central Florida did not have enough theme parks? Just looking at those already open poses a problem for the visitor -- how best to spend the time and money available. Disney's Magic Kingdom or Epcot? Sea World? A quick trip west to Tampa's Busch Gardens?
And then comes the comparison problem -- which studio park do we go to, Disney's or Universal?
Both is my answer. It's just that tough to choose, to say one is the best.
The teen-age girls taking part in our last family vacation there issued a split verdict -- one liked Disney/MGM the best, the other picked Universal. But they agreed both parks were terrific fun -- which is, after all, the point of being there.
The problem is a lot of other people are there, too.
Both parks have long summer and holiday-season lines, which you can beat -- at least for the first hour to 90 minutes -- by arriving at opening time and trying to catch the biggest thrill rides before queues reach unbearable lengths.
Quickly take in Universal's Kongfrontation, where close to 100 people ride together on an elevated tram as it turns a corner into 1930s New York and a campy encounter with that big hairy ape. Rush to Disney's Star Tours or Twilight Zone Tower of Terror rides.
Catch them quickly, so you can avoid the horror show of The Lines. Both parks snake their waiting lines through mazes of metal rails that begin outside a building and lead to yet another indoors.
Fortunately for the disabled, both offer entrances that bypass all the waiting. Don't let a broken leg keep you from going to either park -- it can be an advantage.
Both parks have reasonably good food, although Disney/MGM seemed to us the clear winner in dining, with its assortment of movie-park restaurants with film and TV themes, and even budding actors who wait the tables.
The 50's Prime Time Cafe is a good example of Disney dining -- a 1950s decor right out of Mom's kitchen with chrome appliances, Formica tables and black-and-white televisions showing episodes of such shows as "My Three Sons." Waitresses play-acting as Mom or a well-intentioned aunt may send you packing to the restroom to wash those filthy hands -- and send you back to do it again if you don't find out the color of the soap.
Universal offers a few good dining options, though -- including a 1950s-style Mel's Drive-In (from "American Graffiti") inside the park, and a Hard Rock Cafe just outside the gates -- with prices a little steeper than fast-food fare, but well worth the difference to take in the rock-and-roll ambience.
Disney, not to be outdone, has scheduled the grand opening of a Planet Hollywood restaurant at its studio park this month.
The theme-park match game goes on at every turn -- movie by movie, thrill by thrill.
* Disney has a "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" playground with oversized props for its undersized players; Universal counters with Fievel's Playland from the animated mouse movies.
* Universal plans to open a major new attraction next to Fievel this summer: "A Day in the Park with Barney," which it says will "bring to life Barney's make-believe preschool playworld" and feature an interactive music show starring the ubiquitous purple dinosaur and his pal, Baby Bop.
* Universal takes visitors "Back to the Future" with a movie-plot, motion-simulator ride in an oversized DeLorean that may be a tad intense for small children or weak hearts.
* Disney sends you on a Star Tours ride that it says "allows you to experience the same exhilarating excitement Luke Skywalker felt flying through the Death Star" in "Star Wars."
* 3-D movies. Universal offers Hitchcock's 3-D Theatre with an in-your-face scene from "The Birds" and the climax in the rarely seen, original 3-D version of "Dial M for Murder." Disney counters with a don't-miss Muppet movie with gimmicks hyped as 4-D that will have you ducking.
* Earthquakes -- they both have earthquakes! This has gotta be California!
* Both have interactive shows, street performances, roving comedy acts, spectacular live-action stunt shows, fireworks and even a chance -- but no guarantee -- of seeing actual work on a film or TV show. Universal's on-site taping includes the popular "Nickelodeon" game shows, while Disney's includes the syndicated "Star Search" show and its cable network "Mickey Mouse Club."
Call ahead or ask at the gate about TV and film work going on, and you might be lucky. Even if shows are not being taped, visitors can tour the Nickelodeon studios at Universal or see Disney cartoonists sketching and inking scenes for works in progress.
* We did a little window shopping at Disney/MGM, where Sid Cahuenga's One-of-a-Kind Antiques and Curios included a $17,000 hand-beaded, custom-made bodysuit from the personal wardrobe of Cher.
More realistic was a pair of cotton jeans worn by actress Mayim Bialik on her TV show, "Blossom," or various jewelry items worn in films -- many under $100.
My favorite, though, was the chance to actually walk in Clark Gable's shoes -- if your feet are big enough, and pockets deep enough. The size 12B suede wingtips carried a superstar price of $2,200.80. (Alas, I wear a size 9 1/2 D.)
I spent a bit at Universal buying a $21 Bates Motel T-shirt, 50-cent souvenir match packs and a tacky doorknob sign reading "Do Not Disturb -- In The Shower."
I must be psycho.
IF YOU GO . . .
Getting to Orlando may be easier than deciding what to do after you get there.
Because Orlando is one of the nation's top travel destinations, numerous airlines provide service -- to the advantage of those who can plan ahead and keep an eye out for bargain prices and packages that may include car rental and some lodging.
But you can drive it yourself in roughly 20 hours of road time, or take your car on the Auto Train and save about 800 miles of stress and automotive wear and tear.
Hotel-motel lodging and campgrounds abound. Prices for a room range from $30 for clean but austere lodging along Interstate 4 outside Orlando to a ceiling as high as your budget and lust for luxury and convenience allow.
Hotels operated under the Disney name run a little more, dollarwise, than chain-name motels, but make visits to the Disney parks more convenient -- particularly if you choose not to take or rent a car. Rates include free use of the Disney transportation system. But modestly priced bus service to Disney and Universal is available at many other establishments.
Single-day ticket prices at Universal Studios are currently $36 and, for children ages 3 through 9, $29. (But add a 6-percent tax.) Occasional commercial or tourist promotions offer discount cards or coupons, and the park itself sometimes sells at a substantial discount or even gives away second-day admission tickets.
Disney's single-day admission for any one of its theme parks is identical at $36 and $29, plus tax. Disney also sells at a slight discount a variety of multiday "park-hopper" tickets that allow visitors to travel around. The shortest duration is a four-day ticket, priced at $134 and $107.
Universal is open from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. in the off-season months, and 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. in the summer. December holiday hours were not available.
Disney/MGM is open 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., but will have longer hours in the latter part of December -- and for those braving the likely crowds on New Year's Eve, it will be open until 1 a.m.