It's bad enough to be insulted to your face, but far more lethal is the back-stabber, who says nasty things behind your back. Back-stabbers take energy away from work and derail relationships -- even careers.
Given the high stakes, it's natural to want revenge. But before you stab back, consider the long-term consequences. Returning the insult in kind will probably escalate the struggle. If you have a lot of credibility and respect around the office, the smartest strategy might be to say nothing. Your betrayer may not have much of an audience, so don't dignify his bad-mouthing by issuing a rebuttal.
But the ideal way of dealing with the problem is often a face-to-face meeting. Even if it doesn't repair the damage, talking makes you feel better and can prevent resentment from building. Calm confrontation surprises the offender.
First, cool off for at least a day. "Don't assume that what you heard is accurate, and give the person the full benefit of the doubt," advises Kathryn Williams, senior partner of KRW International, an executive coaching firm in Winston-Salem, N.C. Without being emotional or accusatory, present the details. "I've heard that you don't think I'm doing my share," you might say. "If this is an issue, I want to talk so that we can correct the problem. Can you tell me more?"
Most back-stabbers will scramble to excuse their behavior, says Susan Widham, a manager with a large Midwestern manufacturer. But Ms. Widham isn't interested in the explanation. "I'm there to send a signal that their behavior is unacceptable, and that I can't be taken advantage of," she says.
Going to the boss -- another option -- just makes you look as if you can't handle the situation yourself. Even when you have a good relationship with someone's boss, that person may not want to get in the middle of a sticky situation.
Building a paper trail of swipes and rebuttals leaves a lasting record of conflicts that people might otherwise forget. Memos can be helpful when you want to document legal claims or answer damaging written statements. Otherwise, the better ,X option is to keep notes in your own file that you can use to refresh your memory if you ever need to answer the charges.
One way to minimize further damage is to strengthen your alliances throughout the organization. When rumors circulate, people will step forward in your defense or at least be skeptical about the gossip. Good channels of communication also help you siphon out negative information at the early stages.
To dispel the negatives, take a few minutes each day to exchange pleasantries with co-workers. Invite people to lunch or stop by their work stations to say hello. Brainstorm about a pending project. If you are only racing around trying to get things done, allies may be reluctant to interrupt.
Once you understand how the back-stabber operates, you may be able to avoid being a target. Head off trouble by anticipating business pressure points and taking steps to relieve them. Exclude the back-stabber from projects unless he's an essential player. Keep information about your assignments away from the mean-spirited co-worker.
Here are some strategies for coping when a back-stabber strikes:
* Ignore the insult and hope your work will speak for itself.
* Confront the person face-to-face.
* Go to the boss.
* Build a paper trail.
* Strengthen your alliances to offset future damage.
* Anticipate business pressure points and take steps to relieve them.
* Exclude the back-stabber from projects unless he's an essential player.
* Keep information about your assignments away from the mean-spirited co-worker.
Deborah Jacobs, a business writer specializing in legal topics, regularly contributes to the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes and Newsweek. Write to her in care of Chronicle Features, 870 Market St., Suite 1011, San Francisco, Calif. 94102. Please include your name, address and telephone number.