Q: A few years ago I met a woman at work. One day when she and I were discussing our past and present relationships, she said she might be too independent ever to get married. As the weeks and months passed, I found her very attractive, but her statement held me back from asking her out -- even after we were no longer co-workers.
I've heard that people sometimes profess lack of interest in marriage in order not to seem needy, but since she and I were not dating at the time, I took her statement at face value. We did become good platonic friends and I've never let on that I would have liked more to happen.
Recently she said she "wouldn't mind marrying" her current boyfriend. I feel I've missed out on an opportunity. Do you have any suggestions on reading the signals in the future?
A: Look behind the words for the actions. It's not so much what people say as what they do. Look back to see if you truly missed the boat with this woman. Was she smiling a lot, her eyes bright with interest, or was she passive in your company, overly relaxed and a bit preoccupied? Did she ask you questions about yourself, looking straight into your face, did she touch you warmly and often? Signals are all around us; the trick is to peer beyond the words.
Susan Dietz welcomes letters from readers and will answer all those accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Write to her in care of this newspaper.