We have a winner!
The grand prize winner of the 10th annual Roger Simon Eastern Seaboard Poetry Contest is Stanley L. Rodbell of Columbia, who wrote this nifty haiku:
Is O. J. guilty?
Who cares? Justice is dying
to entertain us.
And if Rodbell calls me in the next 90 minutes, he will get to cart away $25 worth of junk from the display case in The Sun lobby.
If he doesn't, it will go to first runner-up Richard Brummer of Baltimore, who wrote:
If O. J.'s found guilty for real
It won't be a very big deal
By the rules of the court
There is a resort
For juice there's always a peel
There's a tie for second runner-up with Bob Eikenberg of Fallston:
I admit it's not very smart
And saying it tears me apart
But face it, O. J.,
If we voted today,
My Simpson of choice would be Bart!
And Richard Kolish of Baltimore with:
O. J. slashed and ripped
for the Bills: helpful training
upon retirement.
Third runner-up is Stephen Ziegler of Ocean City:
An encounter where no one survives
We're enthralled as his Bronco he drives
But high profile detentions
Cause network pre-emptions
What happened on "Days of Our Lives"?
And honorable mentions to:
Phyllis and Michael Panopolous, Timonium:
The juice has been squeezed
People thirst for more and more
Pulp for everyone.
Sandra S. Durfee, Baltimore:
There once was a man named O. J.
Who appeared on TV every day
With dozens of lawyers
And millions of voyeurs
Who was it said crime doesn't pay?
Tom Lassiter, Baltimore:
Get rid of this soap --
I want to see O. J. tried.
Oh, that's what this is!
Dave Eberhardt, Baltimore:
If O. J. skates free but he lied,
Could his big shot lawyers be tried?
But if guilty he's found
Might they with him be bound
And all 6 or 7 get fried?
Carolyn White, Eldersburg:
O. J. ducked in back
Al to the Bronco rescue
Or was it a dodge?
Sanford A. Berman, Ellicott City:
Dershowitz, Cochrane and Shapiro
Defend a fallen pseudo-hero
After collecting their fees
For professional sleaze,
What's left for his children is zero.
Ella Mae Kirby, Halethorpe:
Lawyers play a game:
Is client guilty or not?
Who cares? Only win!
William Ramsey, Columbia:
O. J., we know him.
He was in our home last night.
Our friend could not kill.
Christopher Ellis, Baltimore:
Objectivity.
Fairness, privacy . . . all dead.
Fodder for talk shows.
Kenneth Munson, Baltimore:
In sports, they call him The Juice
In life, he's accused of abuse
Did he lose his head?
For now two are dead
And Ms. Clark won't accept his excuse.
Dorothy Baumgarten, Baltimore:
A race for sweeps week.
Sensation. Attorney's war.
By the way -- victims.
Mary Jane Mitchell, Ellicott City:
O. J. once had a dual intent
Both a man and beverage it meant
Now he's fumbled at scrimmage
And tarnished his image
And we're wondering where he'll be sent.
Gene Haupt, Baltimore:
Simpson screenings send
Set screeching sordid suasions
Sans sound sustenance
Laura Burggraf, Timonium:
No matter what O. J. had done,
Nicole mustn't have any fun.
Just try not to smile,
Keep a real low profile,
And carry a small loaded gun.
But, hey, kids, don't try that one at home! And keep your pencils sharp until next year!