The TV Repairman:
You have to love Dan Dierdorf. He always makes those statements on "Monday Night Football" that make you giggle, shriek or laugh out loud. His gem the other night concerned the Dallas Cowboys, whom he described thusly: "As finely tuned an offensive team as ever seen in the NFL."
* The team in the blue-and-silver livery out in Waverly will host a team from Toronto in a CFL fracas tomorrow night and Channel 2 will be there live with Scott Garceau, Keith Mills and team vice president and 1 percent owner Tom Matte providing all the necessary data.
* Skip Caray was assigned by TBS to do a Triple-A Richmond at Toledo game in lieu of the Atlanta Braves, and he said, "Minor-league players are every bit as competitive [as big-leaguers], just not as skilled." Skip's been around too long and seen too much to conclude this to be true. Heck, they really-really try in the minors, running out grounders and everything.
* Pernell Whitaker always does his best to promote the sport of boxing, yes siree. During a seance touting his Oct. 1 fight against Buddy McGirt on HBO the other day, he said, "I don't watch boxing, I don't care who's fighting."
* No wonder Morgan State wins about two games annually. They started football practice a bit ago and didn't even climb into pads until the fourth day. Earl Banks used to have his huskies scrimmaging in the locker room even before hitting the field. And the Bears have a TV game against Grambling coming up at Memorial Stadium Sept. 17?
* The Baseball Network (via ABC) was getting just 6.7 million of 94.2 million households to tune in to its regionalization of games in four tries prior to the strike? No wonder the nets got out of the business of offering rights fees.
Replacing baseball on ABC tomorrow night (7:30) is what a press release described as the blockbuster film "Rain Man." Why not something a little more up to date, like "It Happened One Night."
* Convinced that a wishy-washy guy from out of town is the way to go, WBAL has informed Nestor Aparicio, the pride of 1360 on your radio dial, that it won't hire him to do the "Sports Line" show until he attains the height of 6 feet 5.
* Is it really necessary for sportscasters to refer to them as "The New York football Giants" when the other kind, the Willie Mays kind, fled the Polo Grounds 37 years ago.
* Saturday snoozin': Eye on Sports (CBS) has the national swimming championship (mostly live) and a USA vs. Pan Africa track meet (taped) tomorrow at 2 p.m. . . . While ABC has college football preview shows at 3 and 3:30 p.m. (Channel 7), the strategists at WJZ figure you'll be better served with a movie entitled "Wildcats." Hey, it's sports, Goldie Hawn playing the part of a inner city school football coach.
* While NBC is doing tennis at 4 p.m., CBS checks in at the PGA Tour in Castle Rock, Colo., the tourney with the strange rules but great scenery. Half an hour later ABC ("Wide World of Sports") sends along some gymnastics and as fine a race as there is on the tube, the Travers Stakes. Baseball, who needs it?
If football is a must, the Bills and Oilers look at people who won't make the team at 8 p.m. on ESPN. . . . Sunday, TNT has the Cowboys playing the Broncos at 8 p.m. These teams seem to be on all the time, don't they?
* For his own good, someone should hose down Terry Bradshaw before he goes on the studio set prior to NFL games on Fox.
* How does any Bowl Alliance expect to gain complete credibility in its attempt to arrive at a national championship if the winner of the Florida Series (Miami vs. Florida State vs. the Gators) isn't given an automatic berth in the title game?
* Home Team Sports, as ever, seeking out the event you had no idea existed, is carrying the Murphy's English Open Sunday at 6 p.m. Is it golf or large rocks and angry language at 30 paces?
* Beach volleyball, which sees Karch Kiraly getting more airtime than "Who's the Boss?", plays on NBC tomorrow and Sunday (3 p.m.) and CBS' "Eye on Sports" Sunday at 2 p.m.
* You missed a keeper Wednesday night if you didn't catch Roy Firestone's "Up Close" with Mickey Mantle.
* Anybody that doesn't think the Fox Network will have O. J. Simpson movies before, during and after the trial next month doesn't know the net's imperial owner, Rupert Murdoch.
Still on Fox, it had so much fun doing a game last weekend (the 49ers played someone), it's going to try again tonight (8 p.m.) with the Green Bay Packers going against the New Orleans Bores.
* Terry O'Neil, a gent who has tested all the networks and gained a fine reputation as a producer in pro football, has surfaced again as executive producer for special events at ABC News. Terry says, "There's a public trust in news, a big difference from working in sports television." Obviously, the man hasn't checked out viewer surveys for several years.