The loud music, the crowds, the mud, the drugs, the nudity . . . sure, it sounds like the Preakness infield right before the fat guys from Essex start acting up.

But this was Woodstock, the seminal rock festival of '69 that helped define a generation (or so they say).

Woodstock '94, which kicks off tomorrow, promises to be considerably different, as this chart indicates:

Dominant theme:

Woodstock '69: Peace, love.

Woodstock '94: Piece of the action: percentage of gate, album and film rights, $49.95 pay-per-view broadcast, etc.

Official logo:

Woodstock '69: Dove on a guitar neck.

Woodstock '94: Yuppie with fishhook through mouth being reeled in.

Memorable quotes:

Woodstock '69: "The New York State Thruway is closed, man!"

Woodstock '94: "Please step through the metal detector."

How times have changed:

Woodstock '69: Tickets were $6; Iron Curtain firmly in place.

Woodstock '94: Tickets are $135; young Lena Horne look-alike Michael Jackson tours Budapest in full Planet Romulus get-up.

Unifying factor in crowd:

Woodstock '69: Mass opposition to Vietnam War.

Woodstock '94: All ticket holders receive 2-for-1 drink coupons at Bennigans.

Hardships endured:

Woodstock '69: Rain, mud, lack of food, water, no bathroom facilities.

Woodstock '94: Ben and Jerry's kiosk out of Rocky Road.

Biggest hassle:

Woodstock '69: Monumental traffic jams.

Woodstock '94: Shuttle bus VCR malfunctions during "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective."

Urgent warning to crowd:

Woodstock '69: "The brown acid is bad, man!"

Woodstock '94: "The north gate ATM closes in five minutes!"

Reason promoters need a map:

Woodstock '69: Held in Bethel, N.Y., 55 miles southwest of Woodstock.

Woodstock '94: Held in Saugerties, N.Y., 11 miles east of Woodstock.

Reason to visit medical tent:

Woodstock '69: Bad acid trip.

Woodstock '94: Left Prozac back at the Holiday Inn.

Biggest security risk:

Woodstock '69: Gate-crashers.

Woodstock '94: Ugly mob protests 10 p.m. closing of low-fat yogurt stand.

Spontaneous crowd chant:

Woodstock '69: "No rain! No rain!"

Woodstock '94: "Baywatch! Baywatch!"

Overheard backstage:

Woodstock '69: "David Crosby should mix in a salad once in a while."

Woodstock '94: "David Crosby should mix in a salad once in a while."

Embarrassing old guy incident:

Woodstock '69: Max Yasgur flashing the peace sign.

Woodstock '94: Bob Dylan attempting to sing.

Overheard in the crowd:

Woodstock '69: "Pass that joint over here."

Woodstock '94: "As I was saying to my recovery group . . ."

Prevailing fashion statement:

Woodstock '69: Tie-dyed shirt, bell-bottoms, love beads.

Woodstock '94: Nipple-piercing, "Turn the Juice Loose!" T-shirt.

Biggest ripoff:

Woodstock '69: Food hoarders charge $1 per hamburger.

Woodstock '94: Vendors, even without ski mask and gun, get $40 for souvenir T-shirt.

That loud noise you heard was:

Woodstock '69: Jimi Hendrix's feedback-fueled "Star-Spangled Banner."

Woodstock '94: Elvis rolls over in grave at news of Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley wedding.