No pain, no gain -- In a desperate bid for attention, little-known Czech figure skater Maya Sukova whacked her own knee with a tire iron and will miss the entire women's program.
She has, however, signed a three-movie deal with the European division of Paramount, received a $500,000 advance on her autobiography and signed a lucrative promotional contract with Nike.
Ike is out, too -- Success of retired Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf as CBS commentator in Lillehammer has network v-p of production Rick Gentile in a frenzy to sign Gen. George S. Patton for a similar role.
Thus far, aides have been reluctant to inform the volatile Gentile that Patton died in 1945.
It's crazy, but it just might work -- Hockey insiders say Team USA's strategy against undefeated Finland, which has scored 25 goals and allowed only four, is to hope the Finn bus gets stuck in traffic. If the opposing team actually reaches the arena, U.S. players plan to shower the steps to the Finn locker room with 10,000 marbles, hoping to make the entrance too slippery to navigate.
Skating, schmating-- A USA Today poll reveals 2 out of 3 Americans feel today's women's short program should be abandoned in favor of Tonya-Nancy wrestle-off featuring sleeper holds, drop kicks to the larynx and flying leaps off the turnbuckle.