Now you can look like Regis Philbin. The 60-year-old talk show maven is flexing his muscles in his new exercise video "Regis Philbin: My Personal Workout."
"I never jogged, walked or used a Stairmaster until I followed my doctor's orders last year and found out how much I'd been missing," Mr. Philbin told People magazine.
From Wire Reports
"Hi, everybody! As you can see, PUFF, PUFF, today we're doing .... whataya call these things, Gelman? Trunk curls? Whatever.
"You can see where my career's going. Forty years in the business and I'm doing TRUNK CURLS LIKE I'M CINDY CRAWFORD OR SOMETHING!
"I don't know .... you like my sweats? Joy picked 'em up for me. She got 'em at Herman's. Off the discount rack, apparently. I pulled a thread off one of the legs, the thing unraveled up to my knee! She's unbelievable, Joy.
"OK, PUFF, PUFF, let's do a few of those jumping jack things. Here we go .... one, two .... OK, that's enough. Time for a coffee break. God, I could go for a nice buttered roll, too!
"Gelman! Where's my coffee? There's s'posed to be a mug of coffee waiting RIGHT HERE! What? Don't gimme that - it's in the contract!
"By the way, joining us a little later in the video, PUFF, PUFF, singing sensation Michael Bolton and best-selling author Amy Tan.
"All right, let's do a few of those things where you get down and .... push-ups.
"Let's do a few push-ups. Ready?! One, two, th .... OK, that's enough! Geez! Arms are killing me.
"Did you see this story PUFF, PUFF about the woman who tried to whack her husband on Valentine's Day? Only in New York."
(Stands, fishes in his warm-up jacket, pulls out a sweat-stained New York Post.)
"I'm telling ya, folks. This is right up there with 'Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.'
"Here it is .... page 3. Guy goes to walk his dog, right? Comes back, just about to step in his apartment building - BOOM! - somebody throws a cinder block off the roof.
"The thing just misses him. Wipes out the basset hound, though.
"Turns out his wife threw it - she's mad because the guy promised to take her to dinner, now he wants to watch the Knicks on TV. And you wonder why people are leaving this town in droves.
"OK, here we go: sit-ups! Everybody down! And one, and two, and three, and four .... YEOW! What the .... ? Think I pulled something. Right here, in the lower back. What's that muscle called, Gelman?
"What's that? The lower back muscle? Oh, thank you very much, Doctor Gelman. You know, we're not paying you enough. Really. But now that we know you're a trained orthopedist ....
"All right, arm rotations, here we go! One, two, one, two .... did I tell ya I was out at Notre Dame this weekend? Yeah, PUFF, PUFF, caught a basketball game. Had a ball.
"OK, everybody down and bicycle kick! That's it! Get those legs pumping! Hey, look who's here! It's Kathie Lee!"
(Camera pans off-stage to Kathie Lee Gifford. She waves, obviously embarrassed.)
"Oh, geez, does this mean we gotta hear about Cody? How old is that kid now? He's gotta be 21, right? What are you doing, shooting another commercial for that cruise line?
"No, lemme guess: You're appearing at the Garden State Mall between 1 and 3 to promote your new line of dresses. OK, folks, how 'bout a little running in place? That's it, PUFF, PUFF .... get those knees up.
"One, two .... speaking of knees, PUFF, PUFF, y'know who had the boniest knees I've ever seen? Joey Bishop. I'm not kidding. The guy's knees .... it was like he sharpened them with sandpaper. He was a weird guy, Joey.
"Whew, that does it! I'm beat!"
(Collapses in a chair and towels off.)
"Geez, heart's beating like a tom-tom. You people at home, do a few more of those whatchamacallits .... the thing where you, PUFF, PUFF, bend your knees.
"What do ya call those things, Gelman? Knee bends? Oh, thank you! MR. EXERCISE! MR. PHYSICAL FITNESS!
"I gotta take a nap. Supposed to meet Letterman for lunch. Just one time I'd like to see that guy pick up the check.
"All his money .... you wanna do a few leg-lifts before we call it a day?
"Nah, me either."