All channels are flipping over Games LILLEHAMMER 94


Now, don't get me wrong. I love the Winter Olympics. But sometimes I do flip the channels. However, the Games seem to keep following me no matter what I watch.

* TV movie on USA Network: "Dr. Weissflog, you need to operate immediately." "Quick, nurse, hand me the Hunderfossen."

* Late-night commercial on CNN: "If you've been hurt on the job, call Gordeeva and Grinkov, your personal-injury attorneys."

* "Yo! MTV Raps": "Our next video is 'Baby Got Luge' by Sir Schuss-A-Lot."

* "Love Connection": "No, Alberto, you can only go out with one of the girls, not all three at once."

* The Nashville Network: "Now, singing 'My Bonnie,' we present the Blair Bunch."

1% Guess I'll have to toss the remote.

Do a little a dance

Tracy Wilson may not have much to say on figure skating, but she was sharp last night in pointing out the judging inconsistency of the ice dancing finals.

A few quick highlights of Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean vs. Oksana Gritschuk and Evgeni Platov, coupled with Wilson's comments, clearly showed that the winners just as easily could have finished third.

Paradise by the TV light

If you'd been forced to come up with a list of celebrities who'd be used to hype a night of ice dancing, you probably wouldn't have included Meat Loaf. Regis Philbin, sure, but not Meat Loaf. But Mr. Loaf it was, offering his boss hit, "I Would Do Anything for Love."

.' Oh, those wacky CBS producers.

No respect

Give CBS credit for not being afraid to make fun of Winter Olympic sports. Mark Phillips' piece on the death of dying on ice last night was a humorous look at how over-dramatic figure skaters and ice dancers could be.

By juxtaposing shot after shot of skaters flopping on the ice for supposed artistic purposes, CBS pointed out how ridiculous the tactic had become. The segment made it hard to argue with the skating powers' decision to ban icy deaths.


Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me? He's an Olympic Diaper Dandy! It's the General, bay-bee, H. Norman Schwarzkopf!!!!

Schwarzkopf started reporting for CBS yesterday, contributing a piece on Marines training in Norway.

At least, I think it was Schwarzkopf. It also looked a lot like Jonathan Winters.

Doctor E

You may be wondering why other announcers call CBS hockey play-by-play man Mike Emrick "Doc." The reason is he holds a doctorate from Bowling Green. His dissertation may have been on Alex Delvecchio.

Numbers game

As the Olympics surge on, the numbers are staggering. So am I, but that won't stop me.

Sunday night's prime-time show drew a 29.2 rating and 44 share. That rating was the fourth-best all-time for an Olympic prime-time show.

No. 3 was the previous Sunday's (bettered by two Munich telecasts in 1972). CBS' nine-night prime-time average is 25.6/39, 35 percent higher than through nine nights of the Albertville Games.

Ratings measure the percentage of television households watching a program. Shares measure the percentage among homes where television is in use. In homes where television is not in use, they don't read this column. (Heck, in my home, they don't read this column.)

Looking ahead

Did you know that the Super Bowl is the men's 4 x 10 kilometer cross country skiing relay of the United States?

This morning on CBS (7-9, channels 11, 9), Harry Smith reports on camping out with the cross country fans at Birkebeineren Ski Stadium.

NB Tonight (8-11), CBS presents an interview with Nancy Kerrigan.

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