Yes, there's hope for dim dancers, but cows doomed OLYMPICS '94 -- A SPECTATOR'S SPORT


At least it wasn't dyslexia -- British ice dancer Christopher Dean revealed that in school, he had trouble studying and received poor grades.

Then a friend pinpointed his problem: He was highlighting everything in black Magic Marker.

There's no sport in that, either -- Buoyed by its easy 7-1 pummeling of outmanned Italian hockey team, Team USA plans off-day visit to a Lillehammer dairy farm to hunt cows.

Take a deep breath, Scott -- With long-awaited Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan showdown just one day away, excitable CBS skating analyst Scott Hamilton is being given IV sedatives and cognitive therapy during which he chants: "I will not overreact, I will not overreact . . . "

Sources say -- Eerie Dan Rather-Connie Chung spots, in which CBS anchors talk in glowing terms about each other, were filmed while network executives off-camera trained a gun on each star's head.

Let's not get carried away -- Norway's three-time gold medalist Johann Olav Koss was so enthused by his meeting with Chelsea Clinton and her mom that the speed skater is considering changing his name to Johann Rodham-Koss.

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