Matches made in -- well, never mind


Love matches we'd like to see:

* Tonya Harding-John McEnroe. Jeff Gillooly's gone, Tatum O'Neal took a powder. Meet the latest "power" couple, two kids with a chip on their shoulders the size of the Matterhorn.

It's their first dinner date. The salmon almondine arrives. It's slightly overcooked. Mac roars "This is the pits of the world!" and overturns the table. Tonya kneecaps the waiter with a Heineken bottle.

Headline in next day's New York Post: Tonya to cops: "I'm in love!"

* The Taster's Choice couple. What is it with these two? It's always coffee, coffee, coffee. How about a bottle of wine and Ravel's "Bolero" on the CD?

* Jose Canseco-Marlena Ramallo Chalmers -- Canseco, the Texas Rangers slugger who had once been linked romantically to Madonna, was caught driving his red Lamborghini in excess of 130 mph. He told police he was "in a hurry."

Chalmers, the woman dumped by Washington Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke, was last seen careening through Georgetown with a man pounding on the hood of her Jaguar. And last week, Cooke announced his marriage to Chalmers was void because she never legally divorced David B. Chalmers. Perhaps she's always in a hurry.

* Sandra Bernhard-Chris Farley, the Fat Guy on "Saturday Night Live." Until one day in a quiet restaurant . . .

Suddenly she says (in that key-scraping-the-paint-job voice): "Don't be afraid to mix in a salad every once in a while."

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