You are an avid Anne Arundel County sports fan if you get every one of these New Year's predictions.
Some are tongue in cheek, some are serious, some not, but none are meant to offend.
Here's how '94 looks from the Sidelines:
* Gerald Moore, Arundel boys basketball coach: Forget the University of Maryland; Moore already has talked Michael Lloyd into coming to play for the Wildcats after seeing him in a summer league.
* Paul Westhead, George Mason coach: Will change his hot-line number because he is bored with talking to Annapolis coach John Brady, who is constantly bugging him with stupid questions. I mean, what's the strategy in running from one end to the other and firing it up there?
* Coaching boxes: Will be enlarged to 84 feet in length so that county basketball coaches will actually stay in them.
* Terry Bogle, Glen Burnie boys basketball coach, and his assistant Mike Rudd: Will shave their heads and wear white headbands while their players will wear wigs in their rematch with Annapolis on Feb. 11.
* Girls basketball officials: A running clock for the JV marathons and a limit on the number of times officials can blow their whistles in a half.
* 7 p.m. game times: As a result of the new girls basketball rules (see above), a county boys varsity game will actually start on time.
* Kenny Dunn, South River boys basketball coach: Will answer a reporter's question with less than 10 minutes of rambling and not once say, "off the record."
* Jack Jordan, Dunn's assistant and basketball junkie: Will take his wife out once in awhile instead of going to a basketball game every night of the week.
* Ken Kazmarek, Broadneck boys basketball coach: Now that he's the Bruins athletic director as well, will change the name of College Parkway to Kazway since they've run out of buildings to name after a luminary -- there's Larry Knight (former principal) Stadium, Tim McMullen (former AD) Fieldhouse, Grant Jones (ex-football coach and driver's-ed teacher) Parking Lot, and the Glenn Brainer (volleyball coach and business-ed department chairman) Gymnasium.
* North County High's new Bill Wentworth Football Stadium: You took the words out of my mouth -- back to ol' Andover High again for the run-and-shoot.
* Chuck Markiewicz, North County football coach: Will be coaching a college football team before the Knights' football stadium is ready.
* Bernie Walter, Arundel's baseball coach, athletic director, phys-ed department chairman, counselor, and maintenance man (baseball only): Because there is nothing else left for him to win in baseball, will make the shocking announcement that he is taking the spring off by coaching the Wildcats lacrosse team to a state title.
* Charley Eckman, eternal broadcaster and colorful sports personality: Finally will get his due and be inducted into the Maryland Athletic Hall of Fame.
* Greg "Nuke Laloosh" Arnold, former Baltimore Orioles pitcher: Will revive his singing career by forming a new group featuring ex-Milwaukee Braves minor-leaguer Harrell "Henny" Wilson on lead guitar and "Wild Bill" Morrison on drums. Group will be called Nuke and Henny's Tin Men.
* Keith Mills, WMAR-TV sportscaster and Linthicum resident: Will get through a sportscast without saying, "hats off."
* Sen. Mike Wagner of Linthicum and board member of the Anne Arundel County Sports Hall of Fame: Will nominate outdoorsmen-hunters-fantasy football players Huck Knight and Clem King for induction into the county Hall of Fame, citing their devotion to fun and games.
* Del. Michael Busch, Rec and Parks official and member of Anne Arundel County Sports Hall of Fame nomination committee: Will withdraw from the nomination committee so that I can nominate him for the Hall of Fame for his football-playing days at St. Mary's and his acting performance in a Middleton's Tavern cable TV commercial, although we all knew he was quite an actor.
Happy New Year, everybody.