Reader thinks maybe writer should work on himself


Q: After reading "A Man's View of Women and Dating" by Another Nice Guy Who's Given Up, I was very offended; why does he continue to go out with women who are not good for him? Maybe he should work on himself instead of blaming women for his problems.

I have problems with men, but if a guy turns out to be a jerk, I just won't be bothered with him. I haven't given up, though, because I know there are good men out there.

A: Agreed, most dating problems are a matter of the choosing process, which explains all the mismatches filling the divorce courts. And, yes -- much of the process begins with ourselves and the unresolved internal issues that need attention: To know yourself means a better choice of partner.

Being offended accomplishes nothing, though; so save your indignation for another time. Keep up the winning attitude, though; it's the right one.

L Q: I hope you can help me out in regards to Fathers' Rights.

l. My ex-wife has full custody of my daughter, age 14.

L 2. I pay $75 per week, then child support and medical bills.

3. My visitation rights are as follows, according to my divorce agreement: every Wednesday, every other holiday and every other week.

4. My ex-wife is going to move to Florida.

5. What are my rights pertaining to my daughter's visitation, clothing and medical costs?

6. What happens to my child support payment of $75?

A: Not being your divorce attorney, I dare not pass along specifics that may not apply to your situation. But I can point you in the direction of Fathers for Equal Rights and its chief activist, Dick Woods: 3623 Douglas Ave., Des Moines, Iowa 50310; (515) 277-8789. After you call Dick Woods, call your divorce attorney.

Q: I take exception to Marie's categorizing men (all?) to be just looking for a date and a good time; I know that I, for one, would love to meet someone I could care about, love and enter into a meaningful relationship and possibly marriage.

I've wasted time (and money) on the bar scene, blind dates and even some of the dates through personal ads. Some of my so-called friends compare my personal-ad encounters to Russian roulette, but I feel in my heart that one of these days, somehow, some way I will meet Miss Right. Tell Marie if she is between 37 and 45, wears a size 8-10, is pretty and is interested in Mr. Right from California, read my letter again. See, there are some of us men who are looking for a commitment. (Sorry, Susan, I just had to say that.)

A: Reading "Single File" means never having to say you're sorry. You sound like a good guy, someone who would definitely be dependable for a woman. But -- and this is a big but -- you may need to scale down some of your requirements. Miss Right may not come in the perfect state you want, so learn to look beyond the externals to the heart beating within.

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