Relax, Notre Dame-Michigan is on tube

Phew! Be advised the Notre Dame-Michigan football game will be on Channel 13 tomorrow at noon. Scores of fans panicked, thinking they were going to have to go the pay-per-view route or drive to Pennsylvania when the local TV magazine said otherwise. Other elements of ABC's tripleheader have Penn State vs. Southern Cal at 3:30, Washington vs. Ohio State at 8 p.m.

L Don't worry, Siskel & Ebert will make it on some other time.


* Chris Berman qualified for an immediate Emmy last Sunday night when auto racing spilled over into the NFL recap show "Primetime" by 25 minutes and he was still able to maneuver the hour show into the allotted 35 minutes.

* CBS has eight hours of U.S. Open scheduled for tomorrow (11 a.m.-7 p.m.), but, if the past is prologue, figure the women's final and two men's semifinals to put a big dent in the 9 o'clock movie. CBS also will be manning the cameras today (11 a.m.)


* Beware. ESPN2, which kicks off Oct. 1, will feature a one-hour call-in show every night from 10:30 with Jim Rome host of a self-described show "with an attitude."

* Quickie review of rocker Jon Bon Jovi's opening on "Monday Night Football": Come on, kid, it couldn't have hurt that much.

* In case you want to get the set warmed up early, be advised the baseball playoffs commence with the American League division champs clashing Oct. 5 at 8 p.m. Hopefully, CBS remembers.

Contrary to popular belief, the net hasn't forgotten the regular season as it has "wild-card" games planned for Sept. 18 and 25. One of the problems is it will pick the game nine days in advance, no doubt hiring Jeane Dixon to dope out which games will be most relevant.

* Reason No. 357 to like Terry Bradshaw. In England to do an NFL exhibition game, the CBS studio analyst had a chance to play a bunch of name golf courses. He loved Carnoustie. But listen to his assessment of St. Andrew's: "Disappointing. I thought it was a goat ranch. The people were snobby, and the course was the easiest, by far."

* The dynamite fight card on pay-per-view tonight has the Julio Cesar Chavez-Pernell Whitaker bout listed for 11 after Azumah Nelson and Terry Norris have gone at 9 p.m. and 10 p.m., respectively. Early knockouts will not result in long delays, according to Showtime producer Jay Larkin: "The next fight will go on after a reasonable intermission."

* HTS is going to be carrying more than a hundred hours of ACC events and specials between now and May. . . . All hands, the three networks and two cable carriers, report dramatic rises in NFL exhibition game audiences, which no doubt stumps psychologists.

* Rhinos and Ravens fans -- I still favor the Maryland Assassins -- are in for the weeps of Cris Collinsworth, of HBO's "Inside the NFL," who knows what he's talking about. The ex-wide receiver says, "Charlotte is too big a market not to be given an expansion team, and St. Louis is in because of Budweiser. If it's not a done deal already I'd be surprised."


* John McEnroe, doing the Open on USA Network, on friend Boris Becker: "He's a very stubborn guy. You tell him he can't win from the baseline; he's gonna try."

* Quickie review of opening day in the NFL: What were 53 days of practice and all those exhibition games for? Too many teams )) were sloppy.

* Eliminate the word "boom" from John Madden's vocabulary and the all-star pro football analyst might have to learn sign language.

* Madden's gem of the week: "One thing that shouldn't be allowed at a football game is an umbrella."

* CBS' "big fan" promo guy certainly doesn't grow on you, does he?

* A no-hitter against the 47-93 Mets should not count. Or, at the very least, should not be included on the highlight packages seen on the telly.


* That's a big story, the suggestion that loveable ol' Buddy Ryan, as defensive coordinator for the Houston Oilers, might slip one of his guys an extra dessert if he puts Joe Montana of the Kansas City Chiefs on his back Sunday? Teams have been out to KO the opposing quarterback all the way back to Pudge Heffelfinger.

* For the Comedy Channel on cable, those home shopping outfits provide many more laughs when they're peddling sports collectibles (otherwise known as junk). Wednesday night's special was "a blow-out price for action-pack uncut sheets of the NFL's 1,000-yard rushers." Imagine, Barry Sanders, Thurman Thomas and the rest of the gang, suitable-for-framing, a great buy at $50 for less than $25: $24.99999. Bubble gum cards for $2 apiece, and they don't even bother cutting 'em?

* Quickie review of the new NBC show "Second Half," about a sports columnist in Chicago: The guy's headed for the bowling beat in Peoria any minute now.

* Great line from U.S. Open champ Pete Sampras after he had disposed of Michael Chang in the quarterfinals Wednesday night. Asked how he had done against next opponent Alexander Volkov, he replied, "Played him here last year in the quarters and won four, tank and tank."

* Because ESPN runs a Thursday night series of NCAA games, like last night's Syracuse vs. East Carolina tiff, you can see a football game being played. But anywhere from eight to a dozen college games every Thursday? Look out, Wednesday.

* Quickie review of TNT's "Stadium Show:" What for?


* ABC analyst Dick Vermeil just doesn't get it. Game after game he rails on and on about the possibility of collegians making it as pros as though it's the be-all and end-all for anyone who dons the pads.

* Pat Haden's underrated. He's interesting, funny and informed. Of the New Orleans Saints, the TNT analyst says, "They have a conservative offense, but they don't run the ball well. That

makes them a tough team to figure. They have an offense Rush Limbaugh would love."

Then there was his description of an offensive lineman holding: "He's utilizing the Heimlich Maneuver."

* When is some network going to do the right thing and do a big layout about the world chess championships that just got under way on a barge floating down the Nile?