Oysterback, Maryland.--Fresh dispatches from the Oysterback Bugeye:
More than a hundred people attended the 17th Annual Oysterback Mosquito Festival this month, breaking all records for attendance. Special thanks to Joey Buttafuoco, this year's Celebrity Host, for being the finish line for all those hungry skeeters. . .
In other show biz news, don't forget the big dance recital over to Patti's Christian School of Tap and Ballet Saturday at 2 over to Wallopsville. Crystal Tiffany Hackett, 16, will be doing her tap interpretations of "Teen-age Girls in the Old Testament." . . .
And in yet more entertainment news, did everyone remember to tune in "Southern Sportsman" last weekend? If you looked real close you could just see Alonzo Deaver drum fishing off Cape Charles for about five seconds. He was on the head boat right behind Franc White, when Franc was holding up that big red drum and talking about lures. Apparently Paisley Redmond caught the show; he recognized his missing tackle that disappeared from his boat last spring. No court date has been set, but that was a nice recipe for lemon pepper bluefish Franc did at the end of the show, so watch for reruns. . . .
In more fishing news, the Oysterback Bass-O-Rama Tournament is coming up this month, so get your entry forms now. Catch-and-release fishermen should be at Dodd's Pond no later than 8 o'clock. To prevent mishaps like last year, this year's tourney has been re-scheduled to not interfere with the swans' nesting season. . . .
Try-Outs for "Guys And Dolls" at the Oysterback Community Theater are starting next week. Don't forget to come on down and watch Hagar Jump snap up a big role like she does every year. She thinks Sky Masterson is a woman's part, and some people hope no one tells her any different, if they know what's good for them. . . .
Oysterback Senior Citizens Center will be sponsoring a bus trip to a Rave on the 30th. Seniors who wish to go are asked to bring a box lunch, comfortable shoes and their favorite Eurotech music tapes. See or call Venus Tutweiler for details. . . .
Helga Wallop, editor of this paper, and Oysterback's artist in residence, will be giving a craft lesson at the Community Center next week. Anyone who wishes to make a handy and useful toilet paper roll doll cover should bring an empty soda bottle, a rag and a cup of gasoline. Unleaded, please. We're concerned about our environment! . . .
The Reverse Gear Pick Up Truck Mud Bogs usually held in Tonto Rainbird's pig lot on Patamoke Seafood's payday after last call have moved to Captain Lennie Skinner's pasture because of last week's hurricane. Lennie says bring cash. . . .
Oysterback was mildly curious last week when Hollywood movie star Jeremy Jason was in town shooting scenes for his new movie, "The Hooley Legume Story," about Oysterback's only native major league ball player. Residents were quick to exclaim over the presence of the somewhat famous actor, who ate lunch at the Blue Crab Tavern on Tuesday with members of the crew. He ordered a cheeseburger, fries and a Coke, it was reported, and acted "pretty normal," according to waitress Beth Redmond.
Johnny Ray, who was in the men's room at the same time the actor was at the Gas And Go, says he's got a tattoo. Omar Hinton reports that Jeremy bought a package of Sun Chips, a package of Wintergreen Lifesavers and a Sour Cherry Sundance during a break in the filming on Thursday and admired the stuffed chicken hawk over the store counter. "Not too many foreigners like that old thing," Omar reports. "Mostly they come in, look at it and wince."
The crew stayed at Inez Bugg's bed and breakfast over in Patamoke, rented a couple of movies from the Chew 'n' View, shot scenes in and around Widgeon Marsh and the softball field and didn't have any wild Hollywood sex or do any drugs that anyone will admit to. Anyone who wants to see the autograph Hagar Jump, Oysterback's Postmaster, got, can look at the bulletin board down at the Post Office during regular hours. "It's for my niece," Hagar says. Right.
Oysterback lies east of Dogpatch and west of Brigadoon.