SO, OCEAN CITY officials are falling over...


SO, OCEAN CITY officials are falling over themselves in an attempt to hook the Clintons and Gores to spend some family vacation time at Maryland's Atlantic resort?

According to the Associated Press, they're putting together a package of goodies to entice the First Families. (The Fisher's popcorn may survive the trip to the White House, but never the Thrasher's fries.) Town leaders are hoping for an assist from Maryland's U.S. senators. And, Mayor Roland "Fish" Powell assured the president in a letter that his town offers the "ultimate in accommodations, transportation and security . . . less than 3 hours away from your new home."

Resort officials might consider a visit by the Clintons the greatest infusion of federal support since the beach dredge, but the town's long-time loyal clientele from the Western Shore and beyond should be less than enthused.

Can you imagine the mess on Coastal Highway if President Clinton decides to go for his ritual jog and a cup of joe? By the time he hits all the McDonald's on the strip, traffic will be backed up to Smyrna!

As for security, heaven help the town fathers should the Clintons agree to visit during June Week. If Chelsea wanders in at 5 a.m. after riding around town in a convertible full of crazed new high school grads, Mayor Powell's gonna have some 'splaining to do.

And what if the president gets the urge to practice the sax after a late dinner out with Hillary. Don't they enforce a noise ordinance fairly strictly in town? Can you imagine the embarrassing headlines, "Prez Busted For Late Night Jam." When the next nor'easter eats the barrier island, the town would be lucky to get a nickel to rebuild.

Nevertheless, town officials think a presidential vacation would be a super coup. Gushed the director of the local Chamber of Commerce, "We'd like him to come down for a day, an hour or a minute."

Hey, we were always told it was a two-day minimum in peak season!

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