Quips, quotes and quellers as we approach The Game


IT'S that time of year again, Super Sunday, the culmination of perhaps the most overwrought two weeks in American sports. )) Need a barf bag if you read one more word about Emmitt (or is it Bruce?) Smith, Troy Aikman and the rest? Take a break with these quips, quotes and quellers from Fantastic Football:

* Columnist Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: "No one denies Al Davis has left his mark on professional football. Detractors point out that smallpox also leaves a mark."

* Ron Meyer, after being fired by the winless Indianapolis Colts: "I was oohing and aahing about the brilliant fall colors the other day. My wife said: 'But Ron, this happens every fall.' "

* Elbert Hubbard, American author, about football and education: "Football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture."

* Brig. Gen. Russell Sutton, to a tank commander before the 2nd Marine Division began a 5:30 a.m. maneuver against Iraq in Operation Desert Storm: "What we're doing is an off-tackle power play . . . where you apply all the power you can at one point to defeat your opponent."

* Chicago Bears QB Jim Harbaugh, indicating why he felt his teammates are more confident in his passing ability than they used to be: "I can remember bygone team meals when my teammates had to think twice before asking me to pass the salt and pepper."

* Bill Tanton, Evening Sun sports columnist, on playing for a win or a tie: "On the subject of playing for a win or going for a tie, didn't Penn State's Joe Paterno say it all when he commented: 'If I'm having brain surgery, I'll be darned if I want that surgeon playing for a tie.' "

* George Young, Baltimorean and New York Giants general manager, providing historical insight: "The New York press and the fans are becoming like Paris during the French Revolution. You need to see somebody go to the guillotine every day."

* Dialogue between Coach and QB: Coach: "When I was playing I could remember all the plays." QB: "Sure, but you had a different coach."

* Author Dan Jenkins about football: "God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars."

* Red Grange, the great Illinois running back, relating an experience: "In this particular game, when we came in at halftime we pulled off our socks and began putting iodine on the teeth marks in our legs. Coach Bob Zuppke said, 'I'll tell you one thing: If we ever play this team again, it'll be on Friday.' "

* Former NFL kicker Jim Bakken on his 280-pound guard Bob Young: "For his salad, you just pour vinegar and oil on your lawn and let him graze."

* Without a winning season in 21 years, the Oregon State Beavers have heard comments like this: "How do you keep beavers out of your yard? Put up some goal posts."

* Charlie Teague, old-time Tennessee high school gridder, describing a running back on his championship team: "Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines."

* Murray Warmath, Minnesota coach: "If lessons are learned in defeat, as they say, our team is really getting a great education."

* Erik Kramer, Detroit Lions starting QB who once played in the Potato Bowl with his junior college team: "I haven't had the kind of career you can take seriously."

* Ross Perot, presidential candidate, Dallas electron ics magnate and former head of the Texas Select Committee on Public Education: "Are we in school or are we in show business? I don't think football has anything to do with education. If Rice were to drop football altogether, the sun would still rise in the morning."

* Atlanta Falcons Coach Jerry Glanville on 49ers QB Steve

Young, who took a pounding from the Falcons: "Man's got courage. Man's got guts. And I don't think he'll be with us very long."

* Jeff Hammerschmidt, a safety with the Frankfurt Galaxy of the World League, after talking to the mayor of Fischback, Germany: "I don't speak German, he don't speak English, and I think I just agreed to marry his daughter."

* Former Maryland coach, Joe Krivak, commenting on the size of Pittsburgh's defensive line: "I think they have to take this bunch down to the slaughterhouse to get weighed."

Martin D. Tullai heads the History Department at St. Paul's School and has coached the St. Paul's football team since Maryland's capital was in St. Mary's City.

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