With Angel gone, Perot's in; no, he's...


With Angel gone, Perot's in; no, he's out; yes, he's back

WBAL Radio again needs an Orioles announcer. With the departure of Joe Angel for the Florida Marlins, the station will be ,, making a new hire for the third consecutive off-season.

There will be no shortage of candidates for the honor of reading from the Esskay scoreboard.

Which reminds me: If the Baltimore Esskay plant had to close because it was in disrepair, has anyone done a safety check on the radio scoreboard? Just think of the paper cuts being risked by everyone in the booth. Maybe that's why Angel really left.

But I digress -- and in only the third paragraph, too.

Anyway, while trying to figure out who will replace Angel, a hard-working radio-television writer would be constantly on the phone, working all of his sources, perhaps even staking out WBAL's parking lot for the arrival of candidates. The lazy radio-television writer would get his recommended daily allowance of angst by watching a "thirtysomething" rerun on Lifetime, realize he didn't want to get so caught up in his job that he ended up looking as confused as Michael Steadman always did -- was it because his pal Elliott was married to his real-life wife? -- and blow off the whole thing (Hold it, what thing? This sentence has gotten so long that I forgot what I was writing about . . . radio, wasn't it?) by making jokes about whom WBAL could hire.

So, which am I, hard working or lazy? Come on, we're not talking "Lady or the Tiger" here.

One man's list of potential Orioles announcers:

* Ross Perot: He's already done a National League Championship Series pre-game show. One possible problem: He'll accept the job, then turn it down, then accept it, ad infinitum. (Which is Latin for "Come on, fellas, my ears ain't that big.")

* Peter Schmuck: The Sun baseball writer is a true expert. But I'd just want to hear Pete do his version of Angel's introduction. You know, the one in which he said, "This is the Angel."

* Allan Prell: He's already on the WBAL payroll, and, during homestands, we could have "Honest Al's Camden Yards Sale."

* Ron Smith: With the conservative WBAL talk-show host, the only problem would be his insistence that every batter go to right.

* McLean Stevenson: What the heck, the guy must need the work.

* Joyce DeWitt: See previous.

* Roseanne Arnold: This way, she'd always be too busy to sing the national anthem.

* Vin Scully: When Jon Miller misses a game, Scully could do his famous Miller impression, and no one would notice.

* Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, Sally Jessy Raphael, Montel Williams and Maury Povich: They could wander the stands during games, microphones in hand, asking fans to question strategy.

* Me: This way, I'd get the scoop on who the new announcer will be.

But seriously, folks

All we know so far about Angel's replacement is that WBAL plans to hire one before the end of the year and the station prefers someone with major-league experience. The last

two Orioles announcers who came from the minors (Jack "I looked around and he was gone" Wiers and Ken "But he writes so funny" Levine) didn't work out so well.

The end of each season seems to bring shake-ups among major-league announcing teams, so WBAL should have plenty of options. With Miller missing half of the season for television work, the new announcer must be able to carry the load much of the time, making that major-league experience all the more important.

Come back, Vin

Dick Stockton generally is a competent, professional announcer, and he really didn't do anything wrong while calling play-by-play of Game 1 in the American League playoffs. But I miss Vin Scully.

The AL opener was a taut game throughout, the kind in which Scully is so good at heightening the drama -- the right words here, the correct pause there.

Late in Wednesday's game, Stockton said haltingly, " . . . and so the drama will continue to exist."

Maybe, Dick, but you could help it along a little better than that.


Have you noticed that, no matter who is with anchor Chris Berman for ESPN's "NFL Prime Time," he or she ends up sounding like him?

Because of the large amount of highlights, Berman speeds his delivery. With greater speed comes greater volume. This style has been adopted by Robin Roberts, Tom Jackson and Joe Theismann.

Talk about infectious. You ought to get shots before flipping on the TV.

Ferry out

NBC has dropped Bob Ferry from its NBA pre-game show and replaced him with Bill Walton. Ferry apparently tried to trade pre-game host Bob Costas to ESPN for Linda Cohn and Mike Tirico. . . . Home Team Sports will introduce a miniature camera positioned inside the goal during tonight's Washington Capitals-New York Rangers game at 8.

Things my boss wants to know

Will Donovan be an analyst during Sunday's Mello Yello 500 on ESPN (quite right, slick)? . . . Is everyone as upset as we are about USA Today's Rudy Martzke's not making Newsweek's list of the 100 members of the cultural elite? . . . Did Ted Turner and Jane Fonda fall asleep at Wednesday's National League playoff game because she was reading aloud from the script to "The Old Gringo"?

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