Putting the fans of Baltimore in three categories


Pieces of column too short to use . . .

Overheard at BegFest '92, Thursday night's NFL exhibition game at Memorial Stadium: "Baltimore has three kinds of fans -- Oriole fans, Colt fans, and Elvis fans."


I don't care how hot the Orioles are or how terrific Oriole Park is, those lousy left-field seats between third base and the foul pole are still lousy. And no one in authority -- in particular, the Maryland Stadium Authority -- seems willing to acknowledge that the seating configuration represents a major design flaw needing a design remedy.

Maybe those who hold season tickets down Neck Pain Lane will get used to twisting their spinal columns and sitting sideways to get a view of home plate. Then again, maybe not. I'll bet a lot of people grew tired of the arrangement after a couple of games. The stadium authority ought to bring in a trouble-shooting architect to rearrange things. Or yank all the seats and let us bring folding chairs next season.


I shouldn't report rumors. But some are just so tantalizing I can't pass the opportunity. So here goes: Movie star Sylvester Stallone, equine enthusiast and polo player, is rumored to be considering the purchase of a major thoroughbred horse farm in Baltimore County. Doesn't that make you wanna shout, "Yo, Paulie, I'm wit ya sista!"? I heard this from a horsey woman who heard it from a north county doctor who heard it at the Monkton post office. You heard it here first. Even if it's totally untrue, Sly doing Hunt Valley -- what a concept!


Our spies at U.S. District Court on Lombard Street say some nice trees were planted, presumably at government expense, in the brick plaza immediately outside the Garmatz federal building. But the trees weren't there very long. Shortly after they were planted, they were removed to make room for a construction trailer while the building undergoes renovations.

I'm going to be an optimist and believe, until I hear otherwise, that the trees were balled and transplanted. Only cynics would believe that the General Services Administration could buy trees and plant trees, then chop down trees. That could never happen. Right? Right?


Tony, the sushi samurai at Nick's in the Cross Street Market, made up a roll of his mysterious extra-hot stuff Friday night and offered us a taste. And taste we did. Of the experience I'll say this: AAAAA-oooooooo-GA! . . . Speaking of the sushi bar, guess who was seen there last week, chowing down on the raw octopus? Boog! The Boog Man. He of Oriole legend, pit beef and barbecue. Which proves what I've been saying all along: If they feel like eating sushi, real men eat sushi. You wanna make sumthin' out of it?


In the Mount Washington post office, a man with long salt-and-pepper hair and British accent was heard asking the postal clerk where he might purchase a "sticky." The clerk, unable to understand the king's English, said: "A what?"

The man pointed to a boo-boo on his index finger. "You know," he said, "for a cut." The clerk grinned broadly and said, "Oh, you mean a Band-Aid!" ("Plaster" is what the British commonly call an adhesive medicinal tape. But "sticky" has a certain charm, wouldn't you say? . . . Speaking of "sticky," there's a retired cop who sells terrific sticky buns at the Memorial Stadium flea market. Check it out.


The Baltimore Arena, still fondly called the Civic Center by lifelong Baltimoreans, marks its 30th anniversary this fall. A number of events celebrating this milestone, as it were, are being planned for September and October.

The Civic Center officially opened Oct. 23, 1962, with the Baltimore Clippers playing the Providence Reds, and Paul Anka singing, presumably not during the hockey game. First boxing match was November 1, 1962 -- Joey Giardello vs. Johnny Morris.

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