Some days it just doesn't pay to be a football parent.
There I was, standing in the checkout line at Giant, explaining to my son that just because the Globe claims space aliens landed at the Olympics, it may not necessarily be true (even if that would explain why John Tesh was the gymnastics commentator).
Suddenly, a smartly dressed woman wearing a great pair of shoes, turned to me and coolly said, "Well, I guess we won't be reading about the start of the soccer season in your column."
Quick as lightning I responded, "Huh," only to have her launch into a totally unprovoked criticism of football and the media's -- of which I appeared to be the only member present in the 10-items-or-less line -- lack of interest in a sport.
Before I could say "paper or plastic," she had grabbed her natural spring water, bag of fresh veggies and her copy of Town & Country and departed -- leaving me speechless, clutching my Fiddle-Faddle and a TV Guide to my chest.
This is not the first time I have exchanged opinions on the soccer-football rivalry, but it was the first time I had to bear the shame of an entire industry while simultaneously searching for an unexpired coupon.
Although I do consider myself a football parent, I did enroll my son in a soccer program several years ago and it proved quite beneficial. During his practices and games, I was able to balance my checkbook and prepare dinner menus for a two-year period and still not miss a single bit of the action.
Thinking the soccer clinic wasn't a true representation of the whole soccer experience, we trooped off to a professional indoor soccer match. But as the thrill of sweaty young men running around in shorts wore off, I found myself once again organizing the contents of my wallet.
But let's check the two sports out.
* Football players wear lots of cool equipment and make loud noises when they collide. Soccer players are forced to wear baggy shorts and knee socks.
* Football gets an entire evening of network television coverage each week in the fall. Soccer is usually shown on the network news only when the fans in England have eaten the bleachers after a bad call by the ref.
* Quick, name five famous soccer players. Name five dozen famous football players.
But whatever the sport, young athletes throughout our community will take to the fields to practice for the fall season. I wish them all the best as it truly is a thrill just to watch them try.
As for the nasty, evil woman in the grocery store: I saw your shoes at Value City for $12.97.
The hot August weather is perfect for eating steamed crabs, listening to music and enjoying an evening with friends.
The Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 160 has invited the community to join them for an evening of summer fun when they hold a crab feast, 7 p.m. to midnight, Aug. 22, at the VFW hall, 2597 Dorsey Road.
Steamed crabs, crab soup, barbecued chicken, hot dogs, salads, beer and soft drinks will be served until 11 p.m., while the music of "Just E Nuf" will continue until midnight.
Tickets are $18 per person and can be reserved by calling 766-9802.
The VFW is an association of veterans and active duty personnel who have served on foreign soil during the time of war. Eligible veterans, including those from Desert Storm, are invited to visit the post and obtain information on joining the organization.
Proceeds from this fund-raiser will be used to help implement the ideals behind the VFW's motto "Honor The Dead By Serving The Living" through a variety of community projects, including holiday food baskets for the needy and college scholarships.
David A. Roquemore began his service to the church as an assistant pastor to Harundale Presbyterian Church nine years ago. Next month he and his family will move to Martinsville, Va., to head a new congregation.
During his tenure, Roquemore has largely dealt with managerial duties at Harundale Presbyterian, a church with a congregation of approximately 850 members. The size of his new congregation is around 250.
"The last few years have been spent in administrative work, researching, working with committees, gathering information for programs -- the kind of work that goes along with a large church," explained Roquemore. "The difference [with a smaller church] is that now I can spend more time with people."
The members of Harundale Presbyterian have planned a luncheon and program honoring the Roquemore family after Sunday's services. Anyone who wishes to attend should call the church office, 766-4338.
Meeting new people, having fun, improving your abilities, leadership training. These are just a few of the reasons offered by the Glen Burnie Jaycees for joining the 80 active chapter members.
A new member orientation has been scheduled for 7:30 p.m., Monday. Designed to help new members better understand the organization, the Jaycees also will afford prospective members the chance to discover what they can do for the Glen Burnie community.
Jaycee activities include a haunted house for area children at Halloween, food baskets for the poor and work at Sarah's House, a shelter for abused women and their children.
Businessmen and women, ages 21 to 39, are welcome to attend. For additional information, including the meeting's location, call 255-0773 or 647-4426.
Children at Glen Burnie Baptist Church, 7524 Old Stage Road, will take a journey through the Bible at Vacation Bible School, 9 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., Aug. 17 to 21.
To help make this a family voyage, the church is offering a class for young parents, with child care available for children under 4.
For pre-enrollment or additional information, call the church office, 766-2588.
Alumni of Glen Burnie Senior High's Class of 1982 are invited to attend a weekend of activities Oct. 10 and 11 to celebrate their 10-year reunion.
A dance from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m., Oct. 10, at the Orchard Beach Fire Hall, will start the weekend.
The entire family is invited to a picnic from 11 a.m. to dusk, Oct. 11, at the Fernwood Pavilion at Downs Park. Bring a picnic lunch and enjoy an afternoon of games and crafts.
The entire weekend -- dance and picnic -- is $20 per person.
For information, call Beth Cupps-George, 410-360-1848.